


What about now?

by WeareoneEXOL



Category: EXO
Genre: Angst, College, M/M, Sad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-09-29 22:06:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 27,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17211698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WeareoneEXOL/pseuds/WeareoneEXOL
Summary: In which Chanyeol is the heir to Park Entertainment and Baekhyun is a lonely soul stuck in his traumatic past"It's hard you know?" Baekhyun whispered."What is?""Knowing that no matter how hard you try, you can never really do it," He said, brokenly."Do what?'Baekhyun looked up at the taller, his eyes filled with tears as he softly answered with certainty, "Move on..."





	1. Chapter 1

Part 1/? (edited, may have missed some spag here and there :/)

song inspiration: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vc7Fn4Hk088

Baekhyun walked down the halls with his headphones on full blast - tuning out the unnecessary talk of the fellow students that attended the same college as him. He didn't want to be here. Then again who ever willingly wanted to be in college?

At some point, back when Baekhyun's life was tolerable, he never imagined himself to despise college as much as he did, in fact it was the place he found solace from the daily useless worries that surrounded him.

*  
Because what was life -

but a game

Where one

could fly

and the other-

*

The short brunette unconsciously turned his head towards the empty space next to him as he slowly walked, opening his mouth as if to say something but abruptly realising that he was alone. His jaw clenched as he narrowed his eyes, glaring towards his upcoming locker and began to take longer strides towards it.

*

-could fall.

*

Arriving at his locker it seemed to him that he had walked for hours when in reality he had walked for a minute or so. He slowly dialled his pin 0494, hesitating slightly as the numbers brought back memories - he should change the code Baekhyun thought to himself.

As he busied himself with his locker, it took all his might not to stare at the one next to his.

Baekhyun could feel someone staring at the back of his head and tried his best to ignore it, giving in he slowly turned around and locked eyes with his friend - 'Jongdae' whose locker was opposite his. Jongdae had a small smile on his face but Baekhyun could tell from his eyes Jongdae felt sorry for him. He felt constricted as he forced a smile on his face and nodded acknowledging him. Turning to face his locker once again he paused as his eyes landed the one place he was trying to avoid with all his might.

The first thing he noticed was that the lock was gone - indicating it wasn't being used. The next thing his eyes landed on was the small carving in the bottom right hand corner LJG+BBH. His eyes burned with tears as the reality crashed down on him. Unknowingly, his hand lifted to brush against the black writing. The memory was fresh in his mind as the first of his tears slowly fell from his eyes. Suddenly, he felt a hand on his shoulder squeezing softly, reassuring him - he knew it was Jongdae. The students all around him were subtly and not so subtly looking at him - pitying him.

He hated it.

He hated them.

He hated their pity. He hated everything. He hated life. He hated waking up every-day, knowing that he was all alone. That no one could understand what he was going through. Baekhyun's eyes scrunched up with anger as he glared at the students around him. Shrugging Jongdae's hold off of him, he slammed his locker shut and marched towards the toilets where he locked himself in a cubicle - trying to regain his breath. It had only been 5 minutes, yet he was ready to give up and go home.

*

Baekhyun sometimes thought of himself and everyone as birds. Birds inside a cage. Each one with their own cage and each one a different bird. Unknowingly all the birds in all their cages were placed in a larger cage. That cage was placed in an even larger cage. Like this if you got out of one, you'll only be stuck in another...

So do you choose to stay in a cage like everyone else or do you choose to escape it and enter another, alone?

*

If he were a bird

and his cage was real

being trapped or free would be absurd

'cause surely if he was to open the gate

to his lonesome cage--

*

He was sitting in his first lesson - physics, with his arm stretched on the table he rested his head on it and closed his eyes. He didn't want to look up - he knew what he was going to see. He was dozing off when the door opened with a bang making his eyes snap open. He could hear mumbling until finally his professor banged his pile of books on the table, quietening everyone.

"Class we have a new student, he will be joining us from today, make him feel welcomed," a slight pause and then, "Why don't you introduce yourself?" the teacher spoke.

Baekhyun rolled his eyes and closed them once again. He heard a throat clearing until the new student finally spoke. " I'm from Gangnam district and recently moved to Seoul, my parents work at Park Entertainment." Baekhyun's eyes snapped open at the mention of the company. He could feel the student’s eyes gazing at him. He sat up straight and looked at the student for the first time who continued to speak unaware of the tension in the classroom “Please take care of me, my name's Chanyeol."

*

he'll be trapped in a bigger maze.

*

Baekhyun walked into the canteen with his headphones on once again. Nothing was playing so he could hear whispering of others around him. Choosing to ignore it he went and bought a sandwich then made his way back into the hallway. He sat in front of his locker with one leg stretched out in front of him. He had no intention of eating the sandwich, so carelessly dropped it next to him - he didn't have much of an appetite lately.

He didn't realise he had dozed off until he felt someone trip over his leg. Looking up he noticed it was the new guy - Chanyeol. Baekhyun raised his eyebrows in question.

"Can you move your legs?" Chanyeol asked. Without question Baekhyun pulled his knees close to his chest and rested his head on them. He could see Chanyeol's white vans stop next to him. Curiously, he is looking up and instantly regretted it. Chanyeol was putting his things in the locker besides' his. His eyes bulged, opening his mouth ready to say something but nothing came out. What could he possibly say? The locker wasn't his - he had no right.

He stood up and opened his, pulling out a textbook and placed his uneaten sandwich inside, he closed it and turned to leave briefly glancing at the carving. Looking away, he walked towards his next lesson - lunch was going to end soon.

*

Baekhyun wasn't always like this - quiet and lonely. In fact, these were feelings that he despised once upon a time, but now he found comfort in them. It allowed him to hold on to the memories that were desperately trying to leave him just like everything else.

He was sitting in his classroom alone, resting his head on his arm facing the desk next to him. He could imagine him sitting there. The initials LJG+BBH were carved in the corner once again. He could almost hear the laughter that they shared between each other. Unconsciously, a small smile graced his lips as he closed his eyes and allowed himself to remember.

*

For what would remain

nobody knew,

once the light faded and the casket too

would you re-open them and ask-

ask him to stay as you move on

leaving him behind -

The slamming of the classroom door caused Baekhyun to snap his eyes open and face reality causing a surge of anger to shoot through him. His hands curled into fists as he slammed them down on the table, causing a sharp pain to travel up his arm. Ignoring it, he looked up at the intruder - Chanyeol.

Chanyeol was looking back at him with wide startled eyes. "Sorry, did I wake you?" He questioned. Baekhyun re-maintained his composure and set his jaw. Shaking his head, he put his head back on the table.

Soon after he heard scraping of the chair next to him as Chanyeol sat down. Baekhyun turned to face him with a questioning look on his face. "Oh," Chanyeol began, "I'm assigned this seat because no one sits here."

Students began to influx into the classroom as Baekhyun closed his eyes in an attempt to doze off and escape once again.

-to accept that you're gone.

*

Baekhyun awoke with someone shaking his shoulder. Dazedly, he looked up to face Kyungsoo. His eyes were large and round as he stared down at him, the latter had a roundish yet chiselled face, with hair cut short that gave him a mature look among the rest of their friendship group. Baekhyun looked up at him, blinking the sleep out of his eyes trying to focus on the heart lips talking to him, "Come with me," Kyungsoo demanded, grabbing Baekhyun's wrist and pulling him along.

Quietly, Baekhyun followed Kyungsoo down the corridor, and out into the meadow where he was pushed onto a picnic table occupied with the rest of their friends.

"Baekhyun's joining us." Kyungsoo stated, sitting beside Jongdae. Reluctantly, Baekhyun made himself comfortable, his eyes slowly gazed around the table, everyone was there - Sehun, Jongdae, Luhan, Minseok and Chanyeol? His eyebrows furrowed as it landed on the new student, sitting in front of him.

Chanyeol did a small nod of acknowledgement before he returned to the conversation he was having with Sehun. 'That was his place,' was the first thought that came to Baekhyun's mind. He observed Chanyeol scooping ice cream from the bowl in front of him and stuffing it in his mouth and suddenly laughing at what Sehun said causing it to come out his nose.

The table erupted in laughter and Baekhyun couldn't help but let out a breathless laugh too. Everything instantly quietened and looked at him. He could see it in their eyes. They were hoping his old self was back. Hoping that they could have their old friend back because let's face it he knew they didn't like the new him - no one did, Joongi probably didn't either.

Baekhyun's face turned blank as he gazed around him at his fellow friends, he made eye contact with Kyungsoo who had a sad smile on his face. Before anyone could say anything he slowly got up and turned to leave. Before he was far enough he heard Sehun mumble:

"For a second there, I thought hyung was back."

*

can someone be erased,

or truly be gone,

cause surely, to exist

you must be

born.

*

Chanyeol was...lucky. At least that's what he told himself everyday - he was lucky. He was lucky that he was born into a rich family. He was lucky that he didn't have to worry about getting the latest toys while growing up. He was lucky that he didn't have to clean, cook, do the laundry or whatever else a child becomes accustomed to.

 

But one thing that surrounded his very being that he ached to rid himself off was the feeling of being utterly alone in the world.  Chanyeol didn't have friends, while growing up. Well, he had friends but most of them were sons and daughters of his parent's associates. Or friends that he had met at his prestigious college who were forced to interact with him because his position as the heir to the Park family.

if money was key

the key to happiness

surely the rich and famous

must have it all

but beneath the smile

and the painted eyes

lay's something dark -

almost like -

like-

like-

So, Chanyeol never had true friends.

an unspoken mark

of pain forever

within their -

heart

*

When Chanyeol was about 6 years old his father invited a colleague and his son over for dinner, the son was near the same age as him, maybe a couple of months older give or take. At first, he wasn't looking forward to greeting the son let alone having any interest in being friends but nevertheless young Chanyeol put on his best suit - well his nanny put the suit on him - which consisted of shorts, collared shirt with a blazer and a bow tie along with knee length socks and black business shoes to top it all off.

The boy was dressed in something similar to his and had a big smile on his face. As soon as he arrived he ran over to Chanyeol and gave him a hug, "We're going to be best friends," he exclaimed in excitement. Chanyeol was flabbergasted, no one had hugged him before at least no one the same age as him. He slowly wrapped his small arms around him and smiled, "I hope so," Chanyeol whispered.

The next memory that Chanyeol has of them together was when they were 10 years old. Chanyeol was allowed to leave his mansion for the first time without his guards. His best friend was waiting for him outside. They looked at each other and laughed as they ran off down the road to the nearest park. They bought ice cream from the ice cream van - Chanyeol loved ice cream - and ran around the sand pit throwing some at each other. They zigg-zagged around the obstacle course and had turns at pushing each other on the swings. It was the best memory Chanyeol had - the only memory in which he actually could have the childhood that he so badly wanted but was deprived of.

Chanyeol was 12 years old when his dad forced him to start coming to the company with him. He began his training in becoming the heir of Park Entertainment - learning about finance and the complex principles on how to run a company. This impacted the small time he used to have to himself. His time with his best friend slowly decreased, both of the young boys tried to stay in contact by daily messaging each other but soon after those stopped too. It was hard to keep his best friend in his life with his life not even being his to live.

A few weeks after he turned 15, Chanyeol's nanny passed away and his dad prevented him from attending the funeral - "It's not a place for people like us to be," were his exact words. Chanyeol sat in his room on his window sill that day, alone. He was looking out at the rain dripping from the sky when his eyes landed on the car pulling up around his drive-way next to the central fountain. He looked earnestly as the door's opened and out came his best friend. His heart swelled, and un-shed tears blurred his vision - Chanyeol never cried. But the feeling that everything was slipping out of his control was choking him and as soon as his eyes landed on his best friends face he could finally release all the pent-up frustration within him. He could hear his best friend's footsteps running up the spiral staircase in the direction of his bedroom. The door soon slammed open and his friend stood there panting, hair dripping, looking at him. Chanyeol turned slightly to make eye contact with him, his friend smiled at him which triggered the tears to finally slip down his cheeks.

The friend closed the door behind him and walked over to Chanyeol and pulled his body into an embrace, comforting him. Chanyeol’s face was pressed against his friend's chest as his fists curled around his shirt. "It's all going to be okay, Chan," his friend promised him. Chanyeol sobbed into his friend’s chest letting everything out feeling him slowly rub his hands up and down Chanyeol's back reassuring him. "I'm here, Chan. I'm sorry I'm late. I should've arrived faster."

Chanyeol softly shook his head and pulled away wiping his tears, "No, no, thank you for coming," Chanyeol spoke in a raspy voice. "You are being here now, is enough." Chanyeol stood up and fixed his clothes. "I have to go to the company," he informed his best friend.

"Can't you take a day off at least today?"

"No, Father needs me to read over some reports." His friend rolled his eyes. "You can stay or go home." Chanyeol said forcing a monotone.

"Chan, you have to stop him from controlling your life. You can't always listen to what he says." Chanyeol smiled, a sad smile, knowing he would never have the strength to stand up to his father.

Thinking back to that moment now, Chanyeol wished he listened to his best friend sooner, maybe then everything might've been different now. In all his times of darkness his friend was there no matter the time or the day his friend would drop everything and come to him.

Chanyeol shook his head, taking himself out of the memories he had fallen into. He slowly stood up from where he was sitting on the grass leaning against the cold stone. He zipped up his jacked and walked towards the exit.

"I'll come back soon," Chanyeol whispered looking up at the sky, "Joongi-ah."

 

*

 

It was 7:42 in the morning, and Baekhyun hadn't slept a wink all night. Every time he closed his eyes flashes of his past made him snap them open. He stood up, soullessly, and went to his wardrobe pulling out a black hooded cardigan and jeans he quickly had a shower and dressed himself. Softly, padded down the stairs, grabbed his bag and left, headed to college. Pulling out his phone and headphones from his backpack he put his music on loud plugged his ears.

He waited at the bus stop, looking up at the sky, watching the birds flying towards the south.

how would it feel

to be up with them

would it help him deal?

or be like, the rest of them-

The bus came to a stop in front of him, he got on it begrudgingly. He saw Kyungsoo sitting at the back with the rest of his friends. In front sat Chanyeol with his body positioned sideways so he could participate in their conversation. Sighing, Baekhyun moved towards them and plopped himself in the seat next to Chanyeol, taking his headphones off, Chanyeol turned to face him.

"Hey," Chanyeol greeted, with a big smile. Baekhyun looked up at him (due to the height difference being evident even when they sat down), and couldn't help but smile slightly, "Hi," Baekhyun mumbled. Chanyeol's eyes lit up at the brunette finally saying something to him. "How are you?" Baekhyun shrugged in response, before putting his headphones on and turning the volume right down so he could hear what was happening around him. Chanyeol got the hint that Baekhyun was done talking, so turned to face his new friends behind him.

"So, your parents work at Park Entertainment?" Jongdae questioned Chanyeol. Baekhyun's shoulders tensed as he saw Chanyeol nod his head from the corner of his eyes. "Nothing major, to be honest. They're the ones that work behind the scenes organising schedules of artists and what not."

"That must still be so cool...Have you met anyone famous?" Jongin pried.

"I haven't met them personally, but I have seen them working, recording and editing and things like that."

"Have you met the Heir, though? Or have your parents at least, I really ‘wanna know what he looks like."

Chanyeol hesitated, caught off guard at the question, "No, no one's met him. He likes to stay in his office and leaves late at night so no one actually gets to see him and plus CEO Park hasn’t announced his son, so it could be anyone at the company."

"Oh," Jongdae began, "What a shame. He must be so lucky though, being born into that family."

Chanyeol's smile faltered, which went amiss by everyone except Baekhyun. "Lucky? I know right, who would complain having his life," Chanyeol forced himself to say, juxtaposing everything he believed. Baekhyun rolled his eyes, "Being rich wasn't everything." He thought. He felt someone grab his shoulder, turning to look behind him he saw Kyungsoo looking at him. "You okay?" Kyungsoo asked.

Everything quietened around him as he looked at Sehun 'For a second there, I thought hyung was back." Sehun's words from the day before echoed in his mind. Baekhyun forced a smile on his face and nodded. Thankfully, the bus stopped and he hurriedly got up, picked his bag of the floor and rushed of the bus.

-falling into depression

like a wingless bird -

Baekhyun sat on the floor near his locker during lunch again. He didn't even bother going to get something to eat from the canteen this time. His head rested against the metallic lockers as he dozed off.

Baekhyun didn't know what he was doing with his life. He came to college but learned nothing as everything refused to be processed. He had been absent for so long that he was way too behind with syllabus to even try and understand what was going on in the classroom. He didn't see the point in the end. Was it all worth it though? In his mind, it wasn't. What was the point for him to try when the person that he was living for wasn't here anymore? He just wanted to curl into a small ball and disappear from society, from the world.

-shot by a bullet

from the gun-

He tilted his head towards the doors leading into the canteen, he could hear laughter coming from within. How he wished he could be one of them. How he wished he could swap lives with anyone of them in there, so he didn't have to be stuck with his thoughts. Closing his eyes briefly, he tried to blank his thoughts - he was tired of always thinking, always feeling sorry for himself. He re-opened them and saw Chanyeol walking towards him with a brown paper bag in his hand.

Baekhyun raised his eyebrows, he seemed to do that a lot around the new kid but nevertheless Chanyeol always seemed to know what Baekhyun was asking. Chanyeol sat himself next to Baekhyun and handed him the bag, "It's a custard pastry, Kyungsoo-ah told me you liked them, so I got you one." Baekhyun hesitantly opened it and instantly the smell of custard and fresh bread entered his nose. "Actually, Kyungsoo wanted to come and give it to you, but I thought you might've preferred me." Baekhyun froze. Preferred him?

Chanyeol blushed and shook his hands, "No, I meant you might prefer me because I won't ask."

Baekhyun turned to face Chanyeol fully and spoke properly for the first time, "Ask what?"

Chanyeol looked down at the small brunette next to him and unknowingly his heart skipped a beat.

"If you're okay."

-that engraved his name

for years to come.

 

*

 

Baekhyun found himself sitting at the bench of his local park. It had started to get cold on the way home from college, so he had stopped at his house to grab gloves and a scarf before making his way here. The bottom half of his face was hidden by the fluffy scarf and he had his hands curled in his gloves retaining as much heat as possible. The sun had begun to set as he stayed motionless, sitting, lost in his own thoughts.

The parents had left with their children a few hours ago, leaving Baekhyun alone - he was somewhat glad. He didn't like seeing the mothers and fathers staring at each other lovingly, as they played with their offspring. Didn’t like seeing the world happy when he was dissolving in his misery.

It was hard for Baekhyun - Living each day even when he wanted to give up. He found it pointless getting up, getting dressed, eating…sleeping a neverending cycle of life. But the difference for Baekhyun was not only was he stuck in the cycle he was all the while living with the regret of not being in Joongi's place. The brunette found it extremely difficult smiling, talking or speaking when he saw their old friends, because he knew that they were expecting Joongi to be occupying the empty space next to him, they weren’t used to seeing the brunette alone and neither was the brunette himself. The smile that forcefully graced his lips every time he encountered them, weighed heavily upon him and once it fell he felt like he'd just finished holding 100kg on both his shoulders.

It was hard for anyone to understood why Baekhyun was like the way he is. Lots assumed he was stuck in the past, that his missed Joongi. But it was more than that. Baekhyun didn't just miss him. It wasn't just an emotion to him - it was more of a physically feeling that caused him pain just by the mere mention of his lover’s name. Every small reminder, from the instant he opens his eyes in the morning, to the time when he closes them at night and even when he's sleeping, Joongi's thoughts/memories surrounds Baekhyun’s very being.

And why wouldn't it? Baekhyun was Joongi's and Joongi was his.

The absence of Joongi's presence from Baekhyun's life is not what caused Baekhyun pain. It was the fact that everything ended even before it could fully begin, and he had no control over it. The fact that no matter how many times he relived his memories in his mind, he could not physically go there and cherish the moments that he had neglected once upon a time. The fact that he can't make any new moments with Joongi or the fact that he would no longer have the opportunity to say the words locked within his heart from the time they spent together. He was in pain because he knew he could've stopped Joongi, he could've done so many things differently that night but he hadn’t- he couldn’t…not anymore. Because in the end what hurt him the most was the fact that it was his, Baekhyun's, fault. He was too blame and that was something Baekhyun refused to forget.

*

Was forgetting an option?

Or did we really forget?

'Cause if you couldn't remember,

Then did it really happen?

Or is it always there,

In the back of our minds,

Ready to be revealed

Once we truly open-

our eyes

*

Chanyeol was headed home from the gym, a place where he found solace and peace. He walked down the road in long smooth strides, with his thick jacket zipped up. He had decided to take a short cut through the park, as night was running past fast and he still hadn’t had dinner.

 What he didn't expect to find was a sleeping Baekhyun with dried up tears around his eyes curled on the park’s bench. Chanyeol walked over to the bench and bent before it. Slowly, he lifted his hands and gently wiped the stray tears that framed the latter’s face. Chanyeol could see Baekhyun's face up close, properly, for the first time. Baekhyun's long eyelashes kissed the tips of his cold-flushed cheeks; The younger’s gaze shifted to Baekhyun's lips - they were small, thin and pink and Chanyeol couldn't help but feel his heart thump violently, against his rib-cage.

In the short time Chanyeol had met Baekhyun, Chanyeol already knew Baekhyun was damaged and he wanted to be the one to fix him. To be the glue between the cracks that held Baekhyun together no matter how many times he was pushed to the floor. Chanyeol wanted to be there when Baekhyun finally let someone in. He felt overprotective off the tiny brunette and wasn't really sure why.

Chanyeol unzipped his jacked and instantly cold air enveloped him, shrugging off the cold he put the jacket around Baekhyun before gently lifting Baekhyun's head off the bench, sitting down and placing his head back onto his lap. He combed his fingers through Baekhyun's hair and massaged his scalp, hoping in some way it would let the brunette relax more. Chanyeol took out his phone from the jacket sprawled on Baekhyun and messaged his mum that he'd be late, before continuing to thread his fingers through the elder’s curls.

"Baekhyun, what are you doing to me?" Chanyeol whispered.

*

Baekhyun's back and arm hurt, but he was warm. He turned his body towards the other side and snuggled into the warmth unaware that the thing his face was pressed against wasn't his bedroom wall but Chanyeol's stomach. Something was poking his ear and Baekhyun used his hand to push it down before using his head to adjust the 'pillow'.

Chanyeol felt a hand moving against his lower regions causing him to moan breathily as he gradually opened his eyes, he had dozed off and now his neck felt stiff. Chanyeol used the palm of his hands to rub his eyes before he glanced at Baekhyun whose eyes were open and were staring at Chanyeol's stomach. Baekhyun raised his hand and pressed it against Chanyeol's stomach thinking he was dreaming. Chanyeol couldn't help himself but let out a small laugh at the cute gesture.

"Baekhyun?" Baekhyun looked up confused and with wide eyes.

"Chanyeol?" Baekhyun registered where his head was and jerked up causing the jacket to fall off of him and onto the floor. Chanyeol bent and grabbed it before putting it around Baekhyun's shoulders. "It's cold, keep the jacket on," Chanyeol spoke, gently, causing Baekhyun too blush. Baekhyun was still confused as to what Chanyeol was doing there.

"Oh," Chanyeol caught on, slightly embarrassed. "I was passing by when I saw you, you looked cold and it was getting dark and I didn't want to leave you out alone at night because it's dangerous. I'm not saying you can't take care of yourself. It's just that you looked so cute - I mean not cute, not saying that you aren't- but I wasn't thinking that when I saw you...But you were sleeping and...and-" Baekhyun's laugh cut him off.

Chanyeol stared at Baekhyun as the shorter one continued to laugh, hard. His mouth was open wide, and you could see the sharpness of his canines peeking out below his lips. Chanyeol could feel his heart thump in his throat as he stared at the most beautiful boy in front of him. The wind of the night blew through Baekhyun's hair, pushing it back and Chanyeol could see the sparkle in Baekhyun's eyes that wasn't normally there.

"Yeah," Chanyeol, breathed out. Baekhyun stopped laughing and looked up at Chanyeol. "Not cute but..." Baekhyun's brows scrunched up in confusion. Chanyeol raised his hand and gently pushed a stray strand of hair out of Baekhyun's face and held the latter's cheek so lightly as if it was the air and not his hand.

"Beautiful."

*

Chanyeol had never felt heart break, it was something that was a mystery to him and he wasn't rushing to find out what it felt like either. He also never understood what it meant when people said they weren't able to move on. Surely, if someone destroys you/hurts you - you have more of a reason to let go, in order to avoid hurting yourself even more then the pain you're already in. The more he thought about it the more Chanyeol feared the idea of falling in love: -

*

if love was so powerful,

that it could bring you to your knees

make your life colourful

but destroy you, within

why were people quick

to jump at it

falling for its trick

quick to submit

waiting for it to

re-visit

*

Chanyeol kicked at his bed covers as his thoughts rambled Why did I do that?! He probably hates me now. I won't be surprised if he never talks to me again. But truthfully, it's not like he was talking to me properly already and I go ruin it fu-.

 He didn't want to go in and he almost didn't. But facing college seemed easier than running into his father if he stayed home. So, he dragged himself out of bed and made his way to his bathroom where he got dressed.

Chanyeol sighed as he walked towards his bus stop why did I do that? He asked himself for the millionth time. He brushed his hands over his face and slumped his shoulders as he begrudgingly walked up the steps of the bus and made his way to the seat at the back like normal. The bus pulled off towards Baekhyun's stop as his friends greeted him. He fell on his seat and looked out the window not looking forward to seeing Baekhyun for the first time since he had met the brunet.

He felt the bus come to a stop and the sound of the doors opening reached him. Chanyeol closed his eyes and rested his head against the cold glass window. He felt someone sit the next to him but did not look up. Chanyeol could hear the small whispering of Sehun and Kyungsoo.

Suddenly, he felt someone nudge his shoulder causing Chanyeol to peak from the corner of his eyes. Baekhyun was looking up at him with a small smile on his pinks lips. Chanyeol couldn't help but smile widely in return.

"Hey," Chanyeol whispered.

Baekhyun looked at the elfish boy and nodded in return acknowledging his hello.

Love is pain

It makes you lose

More than what you gain

But allows the pieces

To become fused

Once again

If the key to the heart -

Can be obtained  
Baekhyun didn't get much sleep but it didn't affect him. Frankly, he was used to having sleepless nights but what confused him was the reason behind it. Normally thoughts of Joongi kept him up but last night was different. His heart raced more than usual, and his thoughts were running wild and he knew the reason as to why that was happening. It was all because of that elfish boy - Chanyeol.

And that's what scared Baekhyun the most.

 

*

 

"-hyun."

Baekhyun rolled over on his bed.

"-ekhyun."

Someone was whispering in his ear and Baekhyun was awfully aware of it.

"Baekhyun."

There it went again. Having no sleep all night Baekhyun had only just visited dreamland and now he was being forced out. The brunette grabbed one of the pillows from beneath his head and smothered it against his ears. 'Quite at last', he thought. That thought went out the window when someone jumped ontop of him making him groan in pain, the person than proceeded to grab his pillow and throw it away.

Baekhyun grumbled and snapped his eyes open to come face to face with wide brown orbs staring at him in excitement - Kyungsoo.

"Baekhyun-ah, get up were going out today," Kyungsoo ordered, leaving no room for negotiations. In response the brunette sighed and kicked at his covers in frustration, before forcing himself to sit up. Kyungsoo grabbed his hands, when Baekhyun wasn't fast enough and pulled him of the bed. He was then pushed into the bathroom. "Have a shower and get dressed. I'll be waiting down stairs so don't take too long."

Running a hand through his hair Baekhyun sighed and locked the bathroom door behind him. He looked at himself in the mirror and did a double take at his appearance. His eyes were hollow with black circles and his hair had lost its brightness and volume it once had. How long had he been like this? How long had it been, that Baekhyun had slowly started to lose himself to the darkness from his subconscious surrounding him that eventually Baekhyun could no longer recognise his own face in the mirror?

Eyes are the windows,

Windows to the soul,

So, if his eyes had darkened,

And the windows were forced closed,

Where was his soul?

'Cause surely if his soul had gone,

What was he seeing?

If not an illusion,

But life-

which had already been sawn.

After getting dressed in black slim jeans and a white polo-shirt Baekhyun pulled on his black go-to hoodie and grumpily went down the stairs to be greeted Kyungsoo sitting at the dining table munchie on pringles he had probably found in one of the kitchen draws.

"Where's Sehunnie?" He questioned, walking towards the fridge and taking out an Actimel yogurt carton. Kyungsoo looked at him, moving his gaze away from his phone, "He's meeting us there."

The brunette leaned against the counter and pierced the yogurt lid with his front bunny teeth before slurping on it. "Where is there?"

"It's a surprise," Kyungsoo said, his eyes mischievously sparkling - Baekhyun decided he didn't like that spark. He rolled his eyes, making Kyungsoo laugh.

Baekhyun smiled in return.

*

Chanyeol had planned to stay in at the weekend. After the encounter with Baekhyun in the park his emotions were swirling out of control. The short boy had been up in Chanyeol's mind running laps for the past week, causing Chanyeol to have a migraine that wasn't going to leave anytime soon. So, when Sehun phoned to ask him to come to the fair with him - which was actually sponsored by the Park family - another reason he was ready to decline - he had no plans to agree.

"Baekhyun hyung is coming," Sehun added.

That statement was enough to change Chanyeol's mind as he straightened up and hurriedly clarified the time and location. The younger of the two let out a knowing chuckle before hanging up.

Now Chanyeol was standing inside his walk-in wardrobe and scanning the stacks of clothes in front of him ranging from every designer brand one could think off, and for some reason still, he couldn't find anything to wear.

After trying on several outfits Chanyeol settled for a black pair of shorts, a black plain top, a black bomber jacket and a black baseball cap - Chanyeol liked the colour black.

He rode the bus to the park that Sehun wanted to meet at. When he arrived, he could see Sehun busily typing away at his phone with a smile gracing his stoic facial expression.

"Who’s the lucky girl?" Chanyeol teased, putting the younger in a headlock causing the latter to stumble and drop his phone. "Hyung," Sehun whined. "You're going to break my phone!"

Chanyeol laughed releasing him. "Where's Kyungsoo and the rest?" He questioned.

Sehun grumbled as he picked up his phone, closely inspecting it for any damage. "Come on, hyung, I'm not that stupid. Baekhyun-ssi is on his way." Sehun said, with a teasing smirk on his face. Chanyeol blushed slightly and pulled Sehun into another headlock causing the younger of the two to drop his phone - again.

"Hyung!" Sehun shouted, frustrated. Chanyeol released him and watched the younger pick up his phone. "That's what you get for being a disrespectful little brat!"

Unaware to the two, Baekhyun and the rest of the group were watching this play out from a far. Baekhyun had a slight smile on his face watching Sehun laugh properly after a long time. It had been too long since the younger one had smiled like that.

Kyungsoo had enough when Chanyeol had pulled Sehun into another headlock and marched over to them, the others followed closely behind.

"-disrespectful little brat!" Chanyeol was saying, as Sehun went to pick up his phone. Baekhyun looked at Sehun confused as to what they were playfighting about.

"Yah!" Kyungsoo shouted, hitting Sehun on the back of his head (the only reason he could reach was because Sehun was trying to pick up his phone which was on the floor). "I told you to wait for us, not to cause havoc!" Kyungsoo scolded.

"Hyung!" Sehun whined in pain for the umpteenth time, rubbing the back of his head. "Why is everyone hitting me? All of you watch the next time we have YAJA play. Especially you Chanyeol, I'll show what a real brat is actually like!" Sehun pointed at Chanyeol, whose eyes widened in return due to the younger dropping honourifics.

"Chanyeol?" Chanyeol strained out. "Yah! You disrespectful little ant!" He shouted. Sehun gulped and ran towards the gates leading into the park. "Come back here, you lanky little roach! Watch what I do to you once I get my hands on your tall frame!" Chanyeol screamed chasing Sehun into the park.

Baekhyun chuckled softly, a foreign feeling swirling inside his heart and for a moment there-

A second-

Unknowingly, to Baekhyun-

He had forgotten the pain-

the heartache-

the loneliness.

 

Baekhyun was sitting on a bench looking at the others lining up at the hot dog stand. Chanyeol and Sehun were still play fighting and sometimes Baekhyun forgot that Chanyeol was the elder of the two. He shook his head, laughing slightly and turning away from the seen. It had been so long since he had actually let loose and enjoyed himself.

"It's okay, you know?" A voice said, sitting next to him. Startled Baekhyun looked up at Chanyeol. Baekhyun's hands were gripping the bench as he drew random swirls of designs on the floor with his toes. "What's okay?" He asked, looking back down at his masterpiece of interlocking lines. Chanyeol leant forward, his thighs apart, elbows resting on them and his hands clasped together as he watched Sehun annoy Kyungsoo. "To be happy." He answered.

"What makes you think I'm not happy?" Baekhyun whispered, softly. Chanyeol looked at Baekhyun from the corner of his eyes. "Apart from the permanent scowl that you have tattooed on your face?" He asked causing Baekhyun to release a breathless laugh. "Just because you're happy doesn't mean you've forgotten." Chanyeol spoke.

Baekhyun looked sideways at Chanyeol, his eyes wide, "Forgotten what?' He questioned. Before Chanyeol had the time to answer Sehun called for him. Chanyeol stood up and gave Baekhyun a small smile as he walked backwards towards the others, "The memories," he answered before turning away and jogging towards Sehun.

*

Death was inevitable,

So, why are we scared,

If it's meant to be,

Shouldn't we prepare?

Or is it not death that is scary,

but the unknown,

for those left behind

and those that are gone.

*

They were heading to a restaurant for dinner, Kyungsoo's arm was locked with Baekhyun’s as they walked down the lightly lit road. Up ahead Sehun and Chanyeol were talking away in an animated matter with all the exaggerated hand movements making Baekhyun smile at their interaction.

"Where are we going?" Baekhyun asked. Kyungsoo hummed, looking away from the younger boys, towards Baekhyun. "Just a restaurant that Chanyeol always talks about."

"He seems nice," Baekhyun stated. Kyungsoo laughed in response.

"He is nice."

Baekhyun rolled his eyes, "I know," He started. "I should probably apologise to him for being so cold towards him."

"He understands, Baek... We all do. So, don't push us away," Kyungsoo spoke softly. "We know you're hurting and so were we, but it takes some of us to grieve longer than others and it's understandable. But please let us be there for you." Baekhyun had stopped walking and was looking down at his shoes. “Baek you're not alone. We're all here for you."

Baekhyun's eyes were full of tears. "Thank you, Soo," He mumbled out. Kyungsoo pulled him into a hug and rubbed his back gently. "Anytime."

Chanyeol saw when the two boys stopped walking but didn't want to disturb them so pulled Sehun along into the restaurant where they ordered takeaway. Baekhyun needed someone to talk to and he hoped Kyungsoo was the one that he would open up to. When they returned to the street they saw the elder boys in a warm embrace causing Chanyeol to smile gently.

"You did good, hyung," Sehun said, causing Chanyeol to look at him.

"What did I do?" He asked, in response. Sehun smiled and tapped Chanyeol's shoulder out of fondness. "You made him smile," He answered before running up to the boys that had stopped hugging now and were walking towards them.

 

*

 

Everyone had long gone to sleep, they had decided to get takeaway and eat back at Chanyeol’s apartment. After eating the food, it was really late so the friends decided to just sleep at Chanyeol's apartment. Sehun and Kyungsoo got the bed whereas Chanyeol and Baekhyun were camped out in the living room. The brunette, once again couldn't sleep. His thoughts were too loud for his mind, so he sat up looking out the window as the sunlight peeped in behind the clear white blinds. It illuminated the room causing long shadows to form around Baekhyun as if the early sun was keeping him company.

The brunette could hear Chanyeol's soft snores as he slept on the sofa behind him. He looked over and smiled at the peaceful expression the latter had. Getting up slowly he walked towards the window and gently moved the blinds out the way. It was quite out - not a person in sight. He used to do this with him. Staying up till dawn and walking around the streets near his house. They liked exploring the early hours. It almost felt as if it was only them living in this massive world.

"Beautiful isn't it?" Chanyeol said, now beside him, causing Baekhyun to break out of thought. "The sun is so captivating." Baekhyun hummed in response. Chanyeol was really close to him to the point he could feel his warm breath against the top of his ears. He could feel his warmth radiating of him and that comforted Baekhyun in a way he could not explain.

"Sorry, if I woke you. I tried to be really quiet," Baekhyun whispered. Chanyeol sighed causing Baekhyun to shiver, as the taller's breath warmed his neck.

"It's alright, I'm a light sleeper anyway," Chanyeol explained.

"Still," Baekhyun began turning to face him but coming face to face with the taller's chest. They were quite close. "I'm sorry. I haven't been the most welcoming person when you've been nothing but kind," He whispered. Chanyeol looked down at Baekhyun and smiled at the soft blush on the latter's cheeks.

"I understand," He spoke. "You don't have to apologise." Baekhyun looked up at Chanyeol and froze at the proximity. Their faces were inches apart, if either of them moved their noses would be touching.

 "Why're you so nice?" Baekhyun couldn't help but ask. Chanyeol let out a low deep chuckle causing Baekhyun to shiver in appreciation leading him to stumble and grip Chanyeol's shirt to regain his balance. Chanyeol's hands automatically gripped Baekhyun's curvy hips steadying him.

Baekhyun's breath caught in his throat as he looked at Chanyeol's eyes that stared at him intensely. His eyes shifted between Chanyeol's lips and eyes as he had a sudden urge to kiss him. He wasn't sure if he liked the younger. But in that moment, Baekhyun let himself feel something else other than pain for the first time in months. He let his mind be clouded by want and desire. He wanted to be held closely by someone that cared for him like Joongi had. That liked him for him and in Baekhyun’s eyes that was Chanyeol at that exact moment.

The younger had went out his way to make Baekhyun feel comfortable when he in turn had been cold and distant. He had offered him sincere advice without suffocating him with pity. Therefore as the sun broke through the early clouds, the brunette wanted nothing more than for the gap between them to close and his and Chanyeol's lips to fuse together.

His unorganised thoughts were finally straightened out. No more thoughts of his past, his pain…absolutely nothing but one - Kiss him. And that's what Baekhyun decided to do. He closed his eyes, let out the breath he was holding went on his tiptoes, pulled at Chanyeol's shirt that he was gripping and brought their faces closer together.

*

Chanyeol felt lucky. After so long he actually felt like he belonged somewhere thanks to his new friends. They made him feel welcomed and appreciated. Things that he never valued before like company became a big part of his life like Baekhyun had become as well. He liked his presence besides him and yes sure he didn't talk to him much but just having Baekhyun stand near him or sit near him made Chanyeol jitter in excitement.

So, when he saw Baekhyun lean up towards him he had no intention of stopping him. But the bigger part of him - the logical part, knew this wasn't what Baekhyun needed. He would regret it and most of all Chanyeol would too. Before their lips could touch Chanyeol turned his face away and gently moved a step back. Baekhyun's hands were still tangled in Chanyeol's top and he looked up at the taller with confusion evident on his face.

"Baek..." Chanyeol whispered.

Baekhyun slowly unclenched Chanyeol's shirt and looked away from the taller. He was embarrassed to say the least. Maybe he read the signs wrong. Maybe Chanyeol didn't actually like him, like he thought he'd had. But at the same time he was embarrassed that he was actually going to take advantage of the fact that Chanyeol may have liked him just for his own benefit, even when he wasn't certain what he felt towards the latter.

"It's okay," Baekhyun whispered. He slowly, turned away from Chanyeol.

"No. Baek," Chanyeol began, reaching to grab Baekhyun's arm. Baekhyun paused, "It's fine, Chanyeol. You don't need to explain yourself. I'm sorry for making you uncomfortable. Let's forget it happened," He said, not giving Chanyeol a chance to speak, before pulling out of the taller's hold and making his way out the room as fast and quietly as possible.

"What if...What if I don't want to forget?" Chanyeol whispered into the quietness that followed.

*

Baekhyun had left Chanyeol's place after the incident, it was still early morning around 6AM, so not many people were wondering the streets. He walked absentmindedly - too caught up in his thoughts to process where his feet were taking him. Before long he found himself in the familiar scenery of engraved stones. He chuckled humourlessly, he should've expected to arrive here.

"I'm back."

Baekhyun stroked the head of the stone, removing the leaves that had fallen from the willow tree hunched over it. "Sorry, I didn't come yesterday...I forgot." The words sounded foreign on his tongue. He never missed a day coming here.

"I still miss you, that's one thing that hasn't changed..." Baekhyun sat against the stone and leaned his head against it. "I need to tell you something," He began in a soft whisper, his voice low.

"I met someone," Baekhyun continued, chuckling. "You would've liked him, I can imagine you being friends...He's nice, really nice to be honest." Baekhyun's fingers played with the grass, gently brushing his palms across the tiny hair like projections.

"He reminds me of you," Baekhyun's voice choked out. "And I think I kind off hate him for it. I don't want him to be like you because then I-I might...I might replace you. And I can't do that - no - I won't do that. I don't want to forget you, I don't want to move on. I don't want to be alive in 10 years time without you. I don't want to be happy without you. I don't want anything if you're not here with me." Baekhyun was full on sobbing now as he lay down on the grass beside the stone.

"I don't want to live, if you're not living with me, Joongi-ah," He whispered, closing his eyes and finally falling asleep.

*

The world moves on

not noticing your presence

Even when you were here

and more now that you're gone

*

"So, he just left?" Sehun asked.

Chanyeol rolled his eyes in response, "Yes, he got up and left before I had a chance to say anything to stop him."

"And he didn't say anything to you before that?" Sehun pressed. Chanyeol looked at him exasperated. "How many times do I have to tell you he just left without saying anything!" He shouted at Sehun who rubbed at his ear in response.

"And you have no idea where he went?" Kyungsoo questioned, putting his coffee mug down. Chanyeol shook his head, "He took his jacket with him so he's probably not coming back."

Kyungsoo's eyes widened as he scraped his chair back, getting up. "I think I know where he is," He said, looking at Sehun who nodded in understanding.

"Hyung, you go to him, I'll stay with Chanyeol hyung."

Kyungsoo grabbed his coat, put his shoes on and left after saying a quick bye to the taller two.

"Where'd he go?" Chanyeol asked.

"Hmm?"

Chanyeol rolled his eyes at Sehun's stupidity. "Where did Baekhyun go?" Sehun hummed around his fork, that he was using to eat the scrambled eggs.

"Where he always goes - his boyfriend's grave."

Kyungsoo met Joongi through Baekhyun. It was when he was 15 years old and Baekhyun had invited the older boy to eat lunch with them, Kyungsoo had liked him, he seemed like a nice person and not long after he had become accustomed to seeing Joongi at lunch. For him all that mattered was the fact Joongi could make Baekhyun, his best friend, laugh. They were 16 years old when Baekhyun had admitted to Kyungsoo that he had a crush on the oldest of them - Joongi. And they were still 16 when Kungsoo had highlighted their attraction to each other and the two began to date. Kyungsoo had never seen Baekhyun happier.

But as the saying goes, 'All good things must come to an end', and that's exacly what happened between his best friend and Joongi, and if it was a simple as that Kyungsoo wouldn't have minded, but it wasn't like that. The ending was more tragic than anything, taking a life and along with it his best friends happiness.

Kyungsoo shook his head as he pulled his coat harder around him as he made his way towards the graveyard. He wasn't suprised to see Baekhyun curled up in front of the gravestone.

'Here lies, Lee Joon-Gi: A beloved son, best friend and lover' , it read. Kyungsoo brushed dropped leaves of the edge of the stone and smiled softly.

"We all miss you, Joongi," He whispered.

Looking down at Baekhyun, Kyungsoo shrugged of his jacket and placed it over the brunette’s body. "I don't think he's ever going to get over this, Joon," Kyungsoo muttered. "Every time I think he's doing better, he's going to try and move on, he gets worse." Kyungsoo crouched next to Baekhyun and combed through his hair. "I'm assuming he's told you about Chanyeol...I think he'll be good for him. Someone who has nothing to do with this or holds no memory of you will do him well. It'll allow him to slowly let go at his own pace."

"Baekhyun," Kyungsoo muttered softly, "Wake up." The brunette shifted and slowly blinked his eyes open.

"What happened?" He muttered in a gruff voice, rubbing at his eyes. Kyungsoo smiled, helping him sit up.

"You left Chanyeol’s so, I came to find you." He explained. Baekhyun nodded softly before standing up along with Kyungsoo, handing the latter's jacket back to him.

"I wanted to come visit Joongi," Baekhyun excused. He turned to face the gravestone and smiled fondly at the engraved words. "Do you think everything would've been different, Kyungsoo?"

Kyungsoo looked over Baekhyun's shoulder as the latter traced the outline of the engraving. "Different how?" He asked.

Baekhyun smiled softly, "If I told him to stay. If I didn't hold on to my pride and begged him no to go. He would've been alive right now, wouldn't he?"

Kyungsoo turned him around, "It wasn't your fault, Baek. No one blames you." Baekhyun looked away, tears clouding his eyes.

"You say that," He chuckled, breathlessly. "Doesn't mean it's true. It was because of me. I could've stopped him. I-I could've held on to him just for a second longer and that's what makes me so much madder!" Baekhyun exclaimed, looking up at the dark clouds reflecting his emotions. All Kyungsoo could do was stand there and listen, because finally Baekhyun was letting his emotions out.

"The thing I regret the most is not hugging him for a second longer, looking at him for a minute longer, talking to him for an hour longer...staying with him for a week longer," Baekhyun whispered, crying silently and falling to his knees.

Kyungsoo crouched in front of him and pulled the brunette into an embrace.

"All those nights when we talked on the phone and I fell asleep on him, I wish now I stayed awake. I would give anything just to hear his voice once more. Those days where I cancelled plans with him or when I was too busy studying to pay him attention...now? Now I would give my soul just to spend a minute more with him."

Kyungsoo's own tears slowly fell one by one as the brunette fell apart in his embrace. "It's okay Baekhyun, it's all-right," He whispered, as the latter continued to talk.

"I miss him so much Kyungsoo and I feel so damn guilty living when he's not! How's it fair that I'm alive and he's not? How does it make sense? I wake up every morning expecting to see him and the reality hits that from now on he will never be here. Years from now he'll still be gone and it's not fair! It's not fair for a kind soul like his to leave when souls like mine are still here." Baekhyun was clutching on to Kyungsoo’s jacket, as he sobbed. "I-It's not fair."

"I know, Baekhyun...I know." Kyungsoo whispered, "He's in a better place now, Baek. He's not in pain anymore, isn't that what counts more?" Baekhyun pulled away and looked up at Kyungsoo through his tears.

"What if he's in more pain now, then he was before?" He asked...to which Kyungsoo had no answer.

Part 2/? edited ver. coming soon.


	2. Part 2

Part 2/?

Song inspiration: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8VNV__mV38s

“I’ll be back soon.”

Baekhyun sighed in frustration as he swung his legs back and forth on the bed, his shorts riding up displaying his milky thighs in view, he watched intently as Joongi packed his suitcase.

“Where are you going, though?” He asked. Joongi paused and looked up at him with a stiff smile on his face.

“Japan...I’ll be back soon, baby. I just need to go with a friend. I promise after this, they’ll be no more spontaneous trips.” Baekhyun looked away as Joongi knelt on the bed to drop a kiss on the brunette’s head.

“And this friend that you’re going with, do I know him?” He asked raising his eyebrows, “Or is it he-who-cannot-be-named friend? The one that you drop everything for? Even me.”

Joongi closed the suitcase and looked down at Baekhyun, “Baby, I don’t tell you things that aren’t important.”

Baekhyun shrugged him off and walked across the room, as Joongi reached for him, “It is important though, isn’t? You’re always disappearing for hours on end even days and you never tell me who you go with!”

“Baek-baby, I’ve already told you, it’s to do with the internship, it’s very demanding, and my friend his happiness and well-being means a lot to me so I need to go with him,” Joongi tried to reason but Baekhyun was so tired of being in the dark all the time about everything.

“And what about me?” Baekhyun whispered, “Don’t I mean anything to you?”

Joongi’s eyes snapped up, wide, “Of course you do. You mean the world to me. You’re the only good thing I have in this life?” Joongi rested his hands on the brunette’s shoulders.

“Then why?” Baekhyun asked, meeting Joongi’s gaze with tearful eyes, “Why all the secrets?”

Joongi stepped away and ran a hand through his hair out of frustration, “You wouldn’t understand, Baekhyun.”

Baekhyun grabbed the latter’s arm in almost a plea, “Then make me understand. Isn’t that what we’re supposed to do? You’ve never let me meet your parents and I’ve tried to be understanding. But you need to tell me why you’re secretive.”

Joongi turned away from him. “Isn’t that how marriage works!” Baekhyun shouted.

Joongi froze and turned to look at the brunette who had tears running down his face.

“I-If you want me to marry you at all Joongi, you’d tell me what’s going on,” Baekhyun said, his voice strong, hands clenched into fists, tears slowly falling down his face, “If you don’t, then don’t bother coming back.”

Joongi opened his mouth to say something when a car horn beeped outside followed by the familiar ringtone. Joongi clasped his hand over his trouser pocket and looked at Baekhyun, shattered.

“Baek pleas-”

“Go, Joongi, your precious friend is waiting,” Baekhyun said, turning away and wiping his eyes. “But if you go, don’t expect me to be doing the same,” With that said Baekhyun walked into the en-suite and shut the door behind him with a click.

He fell to his knees, not caring that he was in shorts and the fact he will be supporting bruises in the morning. His heart clenched in pain as if it was clawing its way out. Choking back a painful sob he clamped his hand over his mouth as his body shook at the force of the tears.

 

“Baek,” Came a soft whisper outside the door. Baekhyun cried harder and bit down on his palm at how heart-breaking Joongi’s voice sounded. “…I love you.” Joongi whispered in a choked voice, before walking out the door, his suitcase in tow.

Baekhyun heard the gently banging of the front door followed by complete silence. The brunette got up on shaky legs and made his way to the window looking over the main street. He saw Joongi get into a silver Mercedes-Benz, before it drove off.

That was the last time Baekhyun would see Joongi alive…]

*

Baekhyun lay curled up on his sofa watching recordings of his first trip away with Joongi. He laughed softly as Joongi zoomed up on his eyes and ranted on about he found them so beautiful.

“Your beauty is out of this world!” Joongi, in the clip, exaggerated.

“So was yours,” Baekhyun whispered, in reality.

“Be careful!” Baekhyun shouted in the recording followed by a loud oomph as Joongi fell and the camera angle tilted before completely falling onto the sand.

“Kiss it better,” Joongi asked in a soft baby-ish tone. Baekhyun’s feet came into view as he made his way over before crouching down in front of the camera – a pause – and then, “There you go, you clumsy idiot, all better!” The camera angle moved as Baekhyun picked it up and turned it towards Joongi who had a pouty smile on his face.

A sudden knock at the door, startled Baekhyun from where he lay.

Baekhyun looked up from the TV and towards his door, putting the video on pause he padded softly towards it.

“I’m coming!” He shouted, as another set of knocks were heard. “Kyungsoo I told you-” Baekhyun cut off, as he swung open the door to come face to face with Chanyeol.

“Hey,” Chanyeol said, raising a hand in greeting. Baekhyun’s palm was damp across the wooden door as he fumbled for words.

“Uh-Hi?”

“I wanted to apologise,” Chanyeol began looking around with a shaky gaze, unsure of himself. “I shouldn’t have said what I did, and it was a petty move from my side.”

Baekhyun stood frozen, his eyes wide, unexpected at the situation paying out in front of him. “I-It’s fine. I was to blame too,” He choked out.

“So, are we good?” Chanyeol asked his hands clasped together as he looked expectantly at the brunette.

“Uh-huh,” Baekhyun replied, his mouth on auto-pilot.

“That’s good, because I cancelled on Kyungsoo and don’t feel like spending the evening alone.”

“Huh?” Baekhyun asked, slow at processing Chanyeol’s words, “Oh,” He called in realisation. “Sure come in.”

Baekhyun moved away and guided Chanyeol to the kitchen to offer him a drink. Both comfortable in each other’s presence as the taller of the two smiled happily down at the shorter.

His smile reflected that of Joongi’s – frozen on the screen in the living room of Baekhyun’s home.

*

[…Chanyeol’s right cheek was ablaze.

His face was turned away and his hair had fallen into his eyes at the impact of the hit. He lifted his shaking hands and lightly touched the sore skin. Once the shock had passed the pain had moved in, to which he was unsure of what was hurting him more – the physical pain or the pain in his heart.

“Enough.”

Unshed tears filled is eyes as they blazed over but much like their owner, they were stubborn to fall. Chanyeol swallowed trying to lubricate his now parched throat. His head moved slowly back to the front as he stared down at the polished shoes in front of him.

“I do not want to hear you utter such ludicrous statements again, do you hear me?”

Chanyeol’s head was pounding again a side effect to his medication amplified by the hit, as he slowly nodded, holding his hands together in front of him as if building a barrier between himself and the world around him.

The shoes in front of him took a step back and turned to walk away.

“Just because you do not permit me to say it aloud…doesn’t mean it was never said,” Chanyeol forced out in a wobbly but stern voice, still looking at the floor, “It doesn’t mean it’s not true.”

“What did you say?” The shoes returned in front of him.

Chanyeol slowly lifted his gaze and stared at the eyes in front of him, which were framed with thick glasses. “You and I both know…father,” Chanyeol said in a pleading tone, the tears overflowing, and some escaped around the sides.

“How long are you going to try and hide this? How long do I have to keep pretending, father?” Chanyeol begged. “I’m so tired,” Chanyeol whispered, as tears fell. He never cried in front of his father, never wanting to show the older man that he’s weak. No matter how much he was suffering from the overwork and expectations of his father he refused to show his pain. But this…this had truly broken him.

“Enough, Chanyeol,” His father said in anger, as he turned to leave.

“I’m 17, father…and I’m so, so tired of living,” Chanyeol continued falling onto his knees and closing his eyes, his cardigan falling off his shoulder as he sat there on the soles of his feet.

“I’ve always done what you’ve asked. Always tried to live up to your standards. I’ve even sacrificed my childhood to make you proud!” Chanyeol yelled out, raising his voice for the first time in front of his father.

“I didn’t go to Nana’s funeral because you didn’t permit it! I never complained when you ordered for my toys to be thrown out, I never once said anything, just accepted and followed your orders because I thought….” Chanyeol looked up at the back of his father’s head.

“I thought if I did all this, if I listened to you, then maybe one day you would…you would,” Chanyeol refused to say the words aloud, words that caused him pain deep in his heart for as long as he could remember. “You would love me,” He whispered, “That I’d finally be worthy enough to be called your son.”

“Chanyeol,” His father said, in a warning tone. “That’s enough. You’re making a scene and the house guards are listening. Fix yourself up, get off the floor and for lord’s sake act as a man not a child.”

Chanyeol shook his head as the tears refused to stop, he grabbed onto his temples it was no point talking to his father it was like talking to a brick wall.

“I won’t let you do this,” Chanyeol said, forcing himself to stand up. “This is one thing I will never let you do, do you hear me, father?” Chanyeol yelled, as his father walked through the doors, without looking back.

“I’ll ruin you! I’ll destroy everything you’ve worked for if you harm a hair on his head!” Chanyeol promised.

His father paused and looked over his shoulder looking deep into Chanyeol’s eyes. “I promise you, father, if you go after Joongi, I’ll come after you twice as hard.”

“Chanyeol remember your first lesson,” His father spoke. “Don’t make promised you cannot keep…”]

*

Chanyeol and Baekhyun were sitting at the dining table in the kitchen of the brunette’s home. He had long ago finished his drink and was watching Baekhyun, who was absentmindedly looking off into space.

“You know, I’m a good listener,” Chanyeol stated after a while causing Baekhyun to jump in his chair and look up at him.

“Huh?”

“I said I’m a good listener,” Chanyeol repeated, twirling the glass in his hand before looking up at the brunette, “You look like you need to rant so if you want, you can do it to me.”

Baekhyun let out a breathless laugh, “It’s okay, you don’t need to burden yourself with my problems.”

“If you’re afraid that I’d judge you or my opinion of you will change you’re wrong. Whatever you say to me will never leave these walls.”

Baekhyun looked down at the last sip of orange juice in his glass before gulping it down, “You want to know?”

Chanyeol nodded.

Baekhyun got up from his seat, “Follow me,” he said causing Chanyeol to get up and follow after him.

They walked out the kitchen and Baekhyun briefly went on his tiptoes to reach for something on top of a shelf and continued down the corridor past the living room and if Chanyeol angled his face to the right for a second, he would’ve seen the smiling face of Joongi on the TV screen past the slight ajar door, but the giant was too busy worrying over what the brunette was planning on showing him.

They went up the stairs before stopping at a door. Baekhyun paused and looked at the carving on the door and smiled softly. “I’ve never had the courage to open this door.”

Chanyeol remained quite unsure of what to say.

“It’s been over a year nearly and I’m still this weak pathetic person,” Baekhyun said, coldly.

“Baekhyun, you’re not weak or pathetic,” Chanyeol stated.

Baekhyun ignored him and inserted the key into the padlock, that Chanyeol now guessed was what he had retrieved from the shelf and clicked it open. The door opened with a creak and some dust flew into the air.

“This was our room,” Baekhyun stated moving to the side to allow Chanyeol through. Chanyeol took hesitant steps into the room. The duvet on the queen size bed was left unmade and some clothes lay sprawled on the floor. Chanyeol looked around the room and noticed that nails were on the wall – Baekhyun had taken down the pictures. The door to the walk-in closet was open and he could see that some hangers were empty as if someone was rushing to pack.

“He left to go on a trip with one of his friends,” Baekhyun spoke from the door, refusing to step inside. “We had an argument, so he couldn’t pack properly, the forgetful idiot even left his toothbrush.”

Chanyeol stepped towards one of the desks where a pile of letters lay.

“He wrote them for me,” Baekhyun explained. “When we first started dating he used to write me one, for our ‘weekly anniversary’,” He said, a wishful tone in his voice as the brunette remembered.

Chanyeol smiled softly, “He sounds amazing.”

“He was.”

Chanyeol’s gaze shifted to the window where a necklace containing a ring was hung on the handle. His fingers brushed the design familiarly. He had seen this somewhere before.

“It’s a promise ring,” The brunette whispered, as he swallowed the lump in his throat, “He promised to marry me one day.”

Chanyeol looked towards the bedside table where a picture frame was turned downwards. “I couldn’t you know?” Baekhyun said. “Every small thing reminded me of him. Anywhere I looked he was there. It was driving me insane. That’s why I locked this room. For me it was as if I could lock this period out of my life and somehow pretend it never happened. But that didn’t really work out.”

Chanyeol turned back to the necklace and lifted it from its place, walking towards Baekhyun who had his eyes closed as he leant against the door.

Chanyeol lifted the necklace and slowly put it around the brunette’s neck, when the cold metal chain touched him Baekhyun snapped his eyes open to see the giant in front of him.

“Why lock out the memory that gave you something to remember?” Chanyeol whispered his breath warming Baekhyun’s forehead.

“Even if the memory ends in death and pain?” The brunette asked.

“To live in the hearts of those left behind is not to die,” Chanyeol spoke softly, picking up the ring and twirling it between his thumb and forefinger.

Knock, knock

Baekhyun jumped, startled. He took a step back, “I’ll get it, once you finish shut the door and lock it behind you.”

The brunette turned on his heels and padded down the stairs. Chanyeol turned to face the room and walked towards the bedside table.

He reached for the picture frame and lifted it slowly.

He could hear Kyungsoo’s voice scolding Sehun, they probably came to keep Baekhyun company.

The first thing he saw was Baekhyun’s large smile. He looked truly happy, in the picture. He had black hair but other than that he looked the same as now. Chanyeol smiled at the sparkle he could see in Baekhyun’s eyes. His eyes shifted to the arm around him and slowly moved to the other person in the picture.

Chanyeol’s smile fell slowly as his eyes widened.

He blinked.

Blinked again.

“Joongi?” He whispered, shocked.

The frame fell on the bed as he took a step back.

“Joongi?”

Chanyeol’s mind was running at a thousand miles an hour as all sort of thoughts tumbled in his head.

No, no…what? Chanyeol thought as he stumbled out the room completely forgetting Baekhyun’s instructions as he made his way down the stairs. He tumbled into the hallway near the front door.

“Chanyeol?” Baekhyun’s voice called out from the kitchen. Chanyeol took a step towards his voice but this time he did see through the door and his eyes landed on Joongi’s frozen face on the screen.

What was happening?

How?

When?

He pushed the door open and took a few steps in to the room,

“Joongi?” Chanyeol choked out, confused.

“Chanyeol, we’re in the kitchen, Sehun and Kyungsoo are here.”

Chanyeol rubbed at his temples, as he fell to his knees.

No.

None of this made any sense.

Chanyeol made eye contact with Joongi, who reflected the opposite emotions of what he was feeling.

‘What else were you lying to me about, hyung?’

*

Chanyeol didn’t know where he was.

His head was pounding making him wince in pain. Chanyeol grabbed onto his head, ‘Where was he?’ He blinked his eyes open hesitating as the sharp light entered his eyes.

“He’s awake, go call Dr. Zhang.” Chanyeol looked around as he heard someone speak in what sounded like…Japanese?

Where was he?

What had happened?

Where was…Where was…

Chanyeol was pulled under once again, as he closed his eyes and drifted into the darkness

…Joongi?

*

Chanyeol had locked himself in his house, he had missed weeks of college and declined any calls from Baekhyun. He had messaged Sehun every once in a while, to make him stop worrying.

Packets of ramen filled his bin and dirty dishes lay sprawled in his kitchen and on the shelves. Worn hoodies and shorts covered his bedroom floor. His whole house was drawn into darkness with all the curtains closed and blinds shut. It was as if the owner had gone missing, due to the dust piling up – Chanyeol had dismissed his cleaner, as soon as he had gotten home from Baekhyun’s, wanting to be alone.

Nothing made sense to him anymore. Everything was all muddled up and he didn’t know where to begin to untangle the truth from the lies.

How could he face the brunette knowing everything he did? His heart clenched painfully, as the reality hit him hard. He had thought he could start a new and at the same time keep his promise. But when was life ever fair to him? Having the best of both worlds was impossible.

But how was he meant to let Baekhyun go?

How was he meant to take a step back when his heart had run a mile forward already? Why was he always the one that had to let go? Why did he always have to accept the fate of others and be the one that is left alone with the pain.

His phone beeped on his bed side table, he groaned and reached for it, looking at the caller ID briefly.

“Hyung, why’re you calling so early?”

“Chanyeol it’s 2PM!”

“What?” Chanyeol mumbled, pulling the phone away from his ear and glancing at the time – it was 2:09 pm. “Sorry, hyung, time has escaped me.”

“What’s this about Chanyeollie? I’ve talked to your college, like you asked, and because of your background they’re not going to take disciplinary action. But this, this isn’t like you?”

“Hyung…” Chanyeol trailed of, burying his face in the duvet wrapped around him. “I-I don’t know what to do?”

“What’s wrong…Are you - are you taking d-drugs?”

Chanyeol bolted upright, “Hyung!” He whined into the phone.

“If you are Chanyeol, you can tell me. I’ll fix it, I’ll get you help.”

“Hyung,” Chanyeol tried to interrupt.

“I know how it is like…kid’s these days wanting to try everything…”

“Teukie Hyung!” Chanyeol yelled, into the phone causing Leeteuk to stop out of surprise.

“W-what?” Leeteuk asked cautiously.

“I’m not taking drugs.”

“Oh, thank god, because I was having a heart attack,” Leeteuk said, letting out the breath that he was holding. His voice took a high pitch tone, “Did you kill someone?” He shouted into the phone.

Chanyeol choked in shock, words escaping him. “W-What?!”

“Oh my god Chanyeol! Where’s the body? Did you clean up the crime scene? Did you wipe your finger prints? Oh lord, oh heaven’s lord…what am I going to do?” Leeteuk tumbled out.

Chanyeol sat frozen in shock, where the hell was Leeteuk getting these conclusions from.

“We need to get you a new identity, we need to fly you out as soon as possible. Oh my god,” Leeteuk began whispering, “Didn’t I tell you to keep your anger in check? “I told you, you were gonna end up murdering som-“

“Shut up, hyung! It’s not that.”

Leeteuk stopped, his voice softening, “Then what’s wrong?”

“Hyung,” Chanyeol said, Leeteuk’s voice making him more emotional. “I want to come home.”

There was a long pause, “Chanyeol,” Leeteuk began. “You can’t, you know that, right?” Chanyeol didn’t reply, hesitant at first.

“Hyung…I thought I could do it,” Chanyeol whispered. “But I can’t. He’s - He’s everywhere.”

“What? What do you mean?”

“J-Joongi hyung, he went here.”

“No, that’s impossible. He went to a private college – a boarding college. You said so yourself.”

“He lied, hyung. I should’ve expected it.”

“Chanyeol, it doesn’t matter even if he did,” Leeteuk reasoned. “No one there, knows that you know him. It’s fine. Just keep silent while I get things ready at my end.”

“But hyung,” Chanyeol began.

“No Chanyeol, no more talk of coming home. Don’t forget what happened. We need to do finish what all of us started.” Chanyeol heard ruffling of clothes on the other end. “I got to go, I have a meeting with your father. I need to prepare myself, mentally, not to choke him.”

Before Chanyeol could reply he heard the familiar beep of the dial tone.

He sighed to himself, letting out a small chuckle at what Leeteuk had said. He always felt better after talking to him. He was about to go to sleep again, when he received a message from Leeteuk

Babo hyung, 2:20pm

Get up, have a shower and get dressed you have to get to your last 2 classes. I’ve told them you’re coming in. Shindong’s coming to drive you. Thank me later…hahaha I’m evil.

Love you, kiddo, you can do it!

L

“Aghh!” Chanyeol screamed, kicking at his covers.

*

Baekhyun sat in the lunch hall with Kyungsoo, Sehun and Jongdae. He hadn’t seen Chanyeol since over 3 weeks. The first few days after Chanyeol had left his house in a rush with no explanation Baekhyun was worried that something had happened. But once he had accidently seen Sehun messaging Chanyeol, he knew that the taller was just avoiding him.

Maybe he shouldn’t have shown him the room, he thought to himself clutching at the necklace around his neck.

“Shall we go for a walk around campus?” Sehun suggested.

Baekhyun shrugged in response as the other two hurriedly agreed, being bored from staying cramped in a classroom all morning.

He got up and followed behind them. It was raining outside, but they walked underneath the shelter. Baekhyun liked the smell of wet soil it somehow it calmed him – made him relax.

“It’s probably not you,” Kyungsoo said, making Baekhyun look at him. “Chanyeol, I mean. He’s probably busy or doing an internship or something.”

“Internship? Seriously, Kyungsoo?” Baekhyun said, with raised eyebrows glaring at the doe eyed boy.

“What? Come on, I’m trying to give you moral support here,” Kyungsoo said, scratching the back of his head sheepishly.

Baekhyun smiled, “I know, thank you for trying,” He sighed, shoving his hands in his jacket pocket. “I shouldn’t have told him about Joongi. It was stupid.”

“Hey!” Kyungsoo said, “You did the right thing, it was his fault for giving you the false impression that he was ready to listen. I swear the next time I see him I’m gonna twist those un-naturally large ears of his!” Kyungsoo muttered, angrily

Baekhyun laughed as the bell rung for their next period. Jongdae and Sehun turned back to face them, “Kyungsoo hyung, are you coming?”

The doe eyed boy nodded, “I’ll see you after class, meet me near the front gates.” Kyungsoo said, before hurriedly walking to the other 2 who waved Baekhyun, goodbye.

Baekhyun nodded and turned on his heel to walk back towards his class. He decided not to contemplate on the elfish boy longer. If he didn’t want to talk to Baekhyun, his loss.

With the new thought and a made-up mind Baekhyun held his head high as he walked past the car park. He was about to turn the corner when a black BMW pulled in front of the college. The driver a handsome chubby man hurried out with an umbrella.

Baekhyun stood confused, ‘Was an important person visiting the college? Maybe it’s a sudden college inspection,’ He thought to himself with a shrug of his shoulders.

He was going to continue walking when the next few words stopped him in his tracks.

“Master Chanyeol, it’s raining, be careful with your shoes,” the driver was saying as he opened the car door holding up an umbrella for the elfish boy stepped out the car.

“How many times have I told you, Shindong hyung, to not call me that,” Chanyeol was saying as he leant into the car to pull out his college bag.

“Your father misses you, Chanyeol,” Shindong said, as the taller went to take the umbrella out of the driver’s hand.

Baekhyun saw Chanyeol roll his eyes as he stepped away from the car towards the direction of the doors leading into the college.

“It’s been a more than a year nearly since the incident, Chanyeol. Can you not just forget it?”

Baekhyun watched as Chanyeol’s face hardened, “We’re not talking about a small fight Shindong hyung,” Chanyeol began turning sideways to look at the driver. “We’re talking about someone’s life and for that I will never forgive him.” Chanyeol turned back and started walking away

“Your father wants to meet you, Chanyeol!” Shindong shouted after him, “He’ll be waiting at Park Entertainment’s private cafeteria.”

Chanyeol ignored him and continued walking up the small steps, “Saturday at 6PM!” Shindong yelled.

But Chanyeol payed him no attention, he had no attention of going to meet his father.

Baekhyun stood under the small shelter, frozen, as the rain fell around him.

Park Entertainment

He remembered, them talking about Chanyeol’s parents working there, but from the way the driver addressed Chanyeol as ‘Master’, his parents must be important at the company.

Baekhyun watched from the corner as the taller pushed the door open and walked inside. For some reason as the wet soil smell wafted around him Baekhyun was unable to feel relaxed.

Something was wrong.

Something big, and it all seemed to lead back to Chanyeol.

Who was Park Chanyeol really?

Baekhyun had full intention of finding out on Saturday at 6PM, at Park Entertainment – the company where Joongi interned at.

*

 

[“-yeol.”

Chanyeol shook his head, trying to open his eyes.

“Chanyeol, can you hear me?!”

‘Of course, I can, your voice is so fucking loud, the whole world can probably hear you’ He wanted to sass but the sharp pain in his head wouldn’t let him. He winced as he slowly opened his eyes to bright light and a man staring down at him. He was about to open his mouth to ask where he was but the pounding in his head stopped him.

“It’s all right, Chanyeol,” The man said, his hand on Chanyeol’s shoulder. “Dr Zhang he’s awake.”

“What happened?” Chanyeol croaked out. “Where’s…Where’s-” Chanyeol looked around causing an intense pain to travel up his abdomen to his chest, making him hiss in pain.

“I advise you not to move too much, Chanyeol. The stitching is still fresh,” Dr Zhang said standing before him.

“S-stitching?” Chanyeol asked, confused.

Dr Zhang looked down at his clipboard, “Yes, a heart transplant. It says in your records that you were born with holes in your heart. Lucky for you, we were able to find you a direct donor otherwise you’d be on the waiting list for another,” Dr Zhang turned the page, “15 years!” He said, his eyes widening behind the thick lensed glasses.

“Direct transplant? What?” Chanyeol asked, clutching his sides in pain. He looked towards Leeteuk, the man who was originally leaning over him when he woke up, “Hyung?” Chanyeol called.

Leeteuk stood there his hands clasped together and gaze lowered. “Hyung, where is he?” He asked. But Leeteuk refused to answer him.

Chanyeol’s heart thumped hard as the truth began to settle in, “Hyung where is he?” He asked, screaming, not caring as his stitches became undone and blood started to seep through.

“Teukie hyung, you promised,” Chanyeol whispered, as he knelt on arm holding himself up in bed, hand clasped against the bleeding bandage. “Where is he?” Chanyeol asked, his tone pleading, tears forming his eyes.

“Chanyeol, I need you to calm down, otherwise I’ll have to sedate you,” Dr Zhang said. But the boy couldn’t hear him as the pounding in his ears grew harsher.

“Hyung!” Chanyeol screamed, scratching his throat. “Where is he?!”

Leeteuk looked up at him, his own eyes full of tears. “I’m sorry,” He said. “Chanyeollie I’m so…so sorry.”

“No!” Chanyeol yelled, forcing himself to swing his legs off the bed and get up. He stumbled falling to his knees. Dr Zhang, grabbed his arm, steadying him.

“No!” He screamed at the top of his voice. “Where is he?!” Chanyeol pushed the doctor away and stumbled on to his feet.

“Get the nurse! Bring the morphine!” Dr Zhang ordered.

Chanyeol pulled out the needles in his arm causing the machine’s alarm to go off. “Hyung,” Chanyeol said holding on to Leeteuk’s forearm out of desperation. “Please tell me, tell me he’s okay?”

Leeteuk turned away from the young boy, he couldn’t look at him knowing that he had failed him.

“I’m sorry,” He repeated.

“No-no, no…no,” Chanyeol muttered as he pushed the older away, “YOU PROMISED!” He screamed, clutching his own dark locks.

“Hold him,” Dr Zhang ordered, as two muscular men came in each grabbing Chanyeol’s arms.

“No! tell me where he is?!” Chanyeol demanded, thrashing against the guards. “Where is he?!” He demanded, eyes wide with rage, he looked like a mad man.

Dr Zhang grabbed the needle and pushed Chanyeol’s face to the side and inserted it directly to his neck. Instantly, Chanyeol’s vision started to swirl.

“Where-Where is he?” Chanyeol continued to recite, like a prayer, despair lacing his words. He went limp in the guards’ arms as his eyes rolled back into his head.

But even still, he heard Leeteuk speak.

He heard the words that chilled him to the core, and if Dr Zhang hadn’t given him the morphine to knock him out, Chanyeol would have fainted from hearing them.

“Joongi’s dead, Chanyeol.”]

Baekhyun was uncertain on what to do. He didn’t know if following Chanyeol would be a good idea, but at the same time he wanted closure. He wanted to find something that he could blame other than himself. And starting at Park Entertainment seemed like a good idea. Making up his mind he phoned Kyungsoo.

“Soo, it’s Baekhyun,” He said, as soon as the doe eyed boy answered.

“Hmm, Baek I know, I have caller ID.”

Baekhyun rolled his eyes, “I need you to do something for me,” Baekhyun cut to the chase.

“Anything, what’s up?”

“Can you come with me to Park Entertainment?” Baekhyun asked, hands pulling at the threads of his cardigan.

“Park Entertainment?” Kyungsoo questioned, his voice clearly full of surprise.

“Please, don’t ask questions I just need you to come.”

“Sure,” Kyungsoo agreed, “Text me the time, I’ll meet you there.”

“Thanks,” Baekhyun, whispered before hanging up and messaging him.

*

“Park, what did you do?”

Chanyeol froze at the question, “What am I being accused of here, Kyungsoo?”

“To Baek, what did you do? Did you say anything to him?”

Chanyeol paused as he held the phone between his shoulder and ear whilst putting the carton of his orange juice back in the fridge.

“Not that I recall,” He replied.

“Are you sure? ‘Cause to me it seems like you’re avoiding him.”

“I’m not,” Chanyeol hurried out. “I’m just really busy with deadlines.”

“Yeah of course you are.” Chanyeol could practically here Kyungsoo’s eyes rolling.

“What’s this about, anyway?” He asked, sipping on his orange juice.

“Nothing, it’s just he asked me to accompany him somewhere,” Kyungsoo mumbled.

Chanyeol’s ears perked up as he put the phone on speaker, so he could rinse his glass. “Where to? It must be somewhere crazy if you think something’s wrong.”

“He wants me to go with him to Park Entertainment.”

Chanyeol’s eyes widened as he choked on his saliva. “You okay?” Kyungsoo’s voice asked. “Oh yeah! Your parents work there, don’t they?”

Chanyeol hummed in response as he tried to calm his beating heart.

“I would invite you, but it’s Baekhyun’s outing so can’t…sorry.”

“No, it’s fine,” He said, hurriedly. “I’m meeting my father for dinner later anyway. If you don’t mind me asking, why does Baekhyun want to go there?”

“Oh, because Joongi, Baekhyun’s boyfriend interned there and-” A pause. “Uh Chanyeol, Sehun is calling me, I’ll talk to you later.”

Chanyeol mumbled a goodbye as Kyungsoo hung up.

This was getting more complicated by the second, he had to do something. He dialled a number and waited.

“Tell my father we can have lunch tomorrow at his place,” before the driver could say anything he hung up.

He dialled Leeteuk’s number, “Hyung meet me at Park Entertainment at 6PM.”

Chanyeol shut the phone and sat on his sofa, thumbs pressed into his eyes as he felt a headache coming on.

He needed a shower.

Chanyeol grabbed a towel and made his way into the bathroom where he proceeded to remove his shirt. He stood in front of the mirror. He hated his reflection. Hated seeing his body. The ugly scar that ran down his chest was a constant reminder what had happened. Never allowing him to forget.

“Joongi’s dead, Chanyeol.”

 

*

 

Baekhyun and Kyungsoo sat at the basement restaurant of Park Entertainment. The entire time that they were headed here Baekhyun hadn’t opened his mouth to explain anything to the doe eyed boy. However, Kyungsoo didn’t mind he was just glad that his best friend had done something. In his eyes his friend was one step closer to moving on and letting go.

“Baekhyun, what do you want to get?” Kyungsoo asked, peering over his menu at the latter who was impatiently drumming his fingers on the wooden table.

“Uhh I don’t mind,” the brunette responded looking around for something. The restaurant was packed, and the boys weren’t surprised. This was the place where the chances of you running into a celebrity was extremely high and fans took advantage of that.

Baekhyun tapped his fingers on the table, a habit he displayed when he was impatient and nervous – one that Kyungsoo hated.

The smaller of the two sighed before putting down his menu, “Baek, what’s up? Why we here?”

Baekhyun startled, looked at the boy in front of him and shrugged “Just…I wanted to come here.”

“Hi, I’m Tao, I’ll be your waiter today, have you decided what you would like to order?” A boy with dark eye-bags said, standing next to their table with pen and notebook.

“Yes, can I have the chef’s special and the same for him and two glasses of water,” Kyungsoo said, a small smile gracing his lips. Tao nodded enthusiastically before taking their menus, “I’ll be right out with your order.”

Baekhyun scrunched his eyes as he caught movement of someone tall entering the restaurant. “There he is,” He whispered. Kyungsoo looked over his shoulder in the direction that Baekhyun was staring at. “Is that Chanyeol?”

Baekhyun nodded, not taking his eyes of the elfish boy as he was directed to a table near them. “What’s he doing here?” Kyungsoo asked, looking back at Baekhyun his eyes widening as realisation hit him.

Baekhyun looked, guiltily at the doe eyed boy whose eyes widened even more, “Wait! You wanted to spy on him!”

The brunette rolled his eyes, at his exaggeration, “Not exactly.”

Kyungsoo ducked his head as he glared at his best friend, “So you’re telling me, you had no idea that he would be here?”

Baekhyun opened his mouth to deny but stopped at the heart shaped lip boy’s glare, “Okay fine! I overheard but I just wanted to know what he has to do with this…company,” Baekhyun said, trying to explain himself.

Kyungsoo sighed, sitting up in his seat, “Baekhyun, his parents work here, so it makes sense that he might pop down once in a while.”

Baekhyun let out a long breath, slumping in his chair, “I know, but I don’t know…I just have this feeling that I can’t explain.”

Kyungsoo folded his arms on the table, “Baekhyun, maybe you’re just holding on to hope that doesn’t exist,” he said carefully.

“Hope? What for?” Baekhyun asked, leaning forward his eyebrows raised.

Kyungsoo opened his mouth to reply but got cut off when Tao placed two glasses of cold water in front of them, “Never mind, I might as well enjoy myself even if you dragged me here for other reasons,” Kyungsoo said, smiling thankfully at the panda eyed boy.

“Your meals will be out shortly,” Tao said before going back to the cashier to find out his next table.

“Soo, I’m sorry,” Baekhyun said, having second thoughts.

“It’s fine, Baek,” Kyungsoo said, in an understanding tone.

*

Chanyeol lowered his cap as he sat at the table. He didn’t want to run into Baekhyun or Kyungsoo, so he made sure to book a table in the furthest corner. With everything happening he didn’t want to meet the two without knowing how exactly to act. Chanyeol looked up at the ceiling where chandeliers lay dangling, a small smile graced his lips.

He had grown up within these walls. He had eaten in this exact restaurant with Joongi during lunch breaks. He had run in and out of the kitchen bothering the chefs for his favourite food. He had run up and down the wrong escalators to distract himself from the harsh workload that had been placed on his shoulders at such a young age. Small things like that is what he cherished. What he remembered when he thought everything was too much for him to handle.

A scraping of his chair brought him out of his thoughts, as Leeteuk sat in front of him. “Sorry, I’m late CEO Park did my head in about the new group he’s planning on debuting,” the dark-haired man said, clutching at his temples.

“It’s fine, thank you for coming,” Chanyeol said, with a large smile on his face.

“You looked deep in thought,” Leeteuk observed.

Chanyeol let out a breathless laugh as he looked at the wall and ceilings again, “Yeah, I was just remembering the memories that I left behind within these walls.”

Leeteuk nodded, also looking at the walls which held pictures of celebrities that had eaten here, some with fans that were lucky enough to bump into them and some of them alone with wide smiles that reflected their contentment of achieving their dreams.

“I remember you and him running around like lunatics, always getting me into trouble,” Leeteuk said fondly, a teasing smile framing his face.

“It wasn’t my fault that business talks bored me to death,” Chanyeol whined.

Leeteuk rolled his eyes, “You’re still as whiny as you were all those years ago.”

“Hey,” Chanyeol complained, “I wasn’t that bad.”

“Yeah, you weren’t. You were a good kid. A really good kid,” Leeteuk said, seriousness in his voice. Chanyeol smiled sadly at him. “How’s everything, Chanyeol?”

Chanyeol rubbed at a spot on the table as he avoided eye-contact with the older man. “Hard,” He finally whispered out as he folded his hands on the table. “It all just seems to be moving too slow but then too fast at the same time.”

Leeteuk nodded in understanding. “Like one second, I feel like I’m over everything, that I can do this and I’ll be fine but…” Chanyeol trailed off.

“All of a sudden you feel like you can’t do anything – that you’re never going to really be over it,” Leeteuk finished.

Chanyeol nodded, leaning forward in his chair his head lowered. “Chanyeol,” Leeteuk whispered softly, reaching out to place a hand on the shoulder of the boy in front of him. “This is one place where you don’t have to hold back…in front of me. Don’t hide your pain. Don’t swallow your words,” He raised Chanyeol’s face. The boy’s eyes were full of unshed tears and pain.

“How-How can you still be so…nice?” Chanyeol asked. “Knowing everything?” The younger boy choked as tears fell from his eyes. Chanyeol pulled his hat lower as he furiously wiped at his tears.

“Because I don’t blame you, Chanyeol,” Leeteuk said. “I’ve never blamed you, if anything it was my fault,” The older looked at the floor, his gaze distant as he spoke. “You know, living each day alone, without having to take care of you day in and day out,” Leeteuk continued.

“I sometimes forgot…become numb to the reality…the harsh truth. Created a bubble around me that consisted of waking up, eating working and sleeping. But when I least expected it the thoughts hit me all at once and I was back to square one. And then for days the thoughts won’t leave me. Anything I would do would be half-hearted because my mind will be elsewhere because how can you forget something that you’re responsible for?” Leeteuk hushed out.

“Hyung-” Chanyeol began to protest but was cut off by the older speaking.

“But it was me in the end. It was all down to me and I-I failed,” Leeteuk whispered, choking on the knot in his throat. “I failed him, Chanyeol, so how can I not be nice to you? How can I not love, the little boy I brought up, when it was me who had failed you? Don’t you get it Chanyeol?”

Chanyeol looked at the older man in front of him who had bloodshot eyes, he was glad now, that they were sitting near the back of the restaurant.

“Get what, hyung?” Chanyeol whispered.

“Me taking care of you, being there for you, trying my hardest to make you happy, to make you content…is-is my way of coping. Is my way of trying to get rid of the guilt eating me up alive every day since then,” Leeteuk said, his tone pleading. “When I take care of you, I feel like I’m making up for failing him, Chanyeol,” he whispered.

“For allowing him to die, for putting my worthless job above the life of my baby brother.”

“Hyung-” Chanyeol began, but Leeteuk straightening up stopped him.

“It’s fine, Chanyeol. I’ve come to terms with it,” The older man said, as he wiped his tears and cleared his throat.

“But it’s not-”

“What can I get you?” A familiar voice cut Chanyeol off, he looked up to see Tao looking down at his notebook. He hadn’t noticed him yet.

“Umm,” Leeteuk hummed, his face devoid of any previous emotions or tears as he intently looked at the menu. “Steak please.”

“And you – Chanyeol!” Tao said, surprised.

“Hey Tao, how are you?” Chanyeol asked, a smile on his face.

“I’m doing great, I haven’t seen you here for a while,” Tao said, his face slightly down.

“Just been busy with college,” Chanyeol said.

“Oh, that makes sense,” he mumbled. “I heard about Joongi,” Tao said, his voice careful not knowing if he should say anything.

Chanyeol swallowed as he nodded, “Yeah?”

Baekhyun stood frozen, he was excusing himself to relieve his bladder when he heard his waiter mention Joongi to Chanyeol.

“Yeah, we dedicated a wall to him, so workers and colleagues could write anything they wanted to say to him, he was part of the company for so long and a lot of people loved him” Tao said, gesturing to the other side of the restaurant. “I know it’s not much, but we didn’t want anyone to forget him.”

Workers? Colleagues? Didn’t Joongi just intern here?

“He would’ve appreciated it, thank you Tao.”

Tao nodded with a smile on his face, “What can I get you?”

“Steak please.”

Baekhyun stiffly made his way to the wall that Tao was gesturing at. It was full of sticky notes some saying “Thank you” to some saying “Rest in Peace” but that’s not what caught Baekhyun’s eye. Baekhyun stared at the pictures hung in the middle of the wall, it was of Joongi much younger around 12 – 13 years old standing next to a big eared boy with their arms around each other’s shoulders smiling wildly at the camera. From the background it looked to be taken in this very restaurant.

Another picture of Joongi much older with the same boy but this time they were sitting at the table each with a goofy smile on their face. Tao was also in this picture, standing next to them rolling his eyes looking as if he was forced to be in the picture.

Baekhyun stopped a waitress walking by, “Excuse me, who are they?” He asked gesturing to the picture on the wall.

“Oh,” she said, hands full with plates and cutlery, “That’s Lee Joong Gi, the son of Chairmen Park’s colleague and his best friend…Park Chanyeol.”

The brunette gulped, Chanyeol and Joongi were best friends?

“And Chanyeol, who is he?”

“Uhh no one knows to be honest, he interned here and was really close with Joongi, so people just assumed Joongi got him the internship, because he was the Lead Editor.”

“Lead Editor? Isn’t he 16 in the picture?”

 

“He had a natural gift when it came to editing, from what I’ve heard,” The women explained, looking at the picture of the two boys.

“What about Chanyeol’s parents? Don’t they work here?”

“Not that I know of, no. If that’s all I really need to get back to work.”

“Yeah, just one last question,” Baekhyun whispered, swallowing his tears of disbelief. “How did Lee Joongi die?”

“I’m not too certain,” The women began, her voice soft due to the topic. “All I know is that they went on a trip together and only one returned.”

“They?” Baekhyun asked, confused.

She gestured to the picture, “Park Chanyeol – he went with him.”

*

[ “Joongi…I need you,” Chanyeol muttered, softly into the phone. He heard the other sigh in return.

“Chan-Chanyeol I can’t, I can’t come with you,” Joongi explained, his voice laced with utmost gentleness.

“Joongi…I promise it’ll be the last time,” Chanyeol replied urgently, clutching at his chest in pain.

“Last time?” He asked an edge to his voice.

“Yeah…not long now,” Chanyeol let out a weak chuckle. “Who knows you might live to regret this if you don’t.”

“Chanyeol stop talking like that,” the older scolded.

“Why hyung, it’s the truth? Not long now until I leave, anyway, so why not go on the trip for the last time with me? Hmm? I promise I won’t pester you with my problems after this.”

“You better not!” Joongi joked, before letting out a breath, “Where do you plan on going?”

“Japan.”]

*

Chanyeol sat in the lunch hall his head down and eyes distant, his father had re-scheduled their lunch date to dinner at Chanyeol’s, and the latter was not looking forward to it. If he saw his father’s face Chanyeol doesn’t know what he would do.

“What’s wrong?” Sehun asked, dropping in the seat next to his.

Chanyeol looked up, startled, “Huh?” He asked, stupidly.

“You looked like you had all the weight of the world on your shoulders,” Sehun observed.

“N-No,” Chanyeol stuttered, looking away. “I don’t know what to do?”

“I’m gonna need more info and context if you want any advice from me,” Sehun said.

 “Say, you know something…something big about a person you care about, would you reveal it?”

 “Depends what that something is,” Sehun shrugged, biting into his sandwich.

 “Something against the law, something that hurt another person that I cherished and if I reveal it, it would hurt a lot more people,” Chanyeol explained.

 “Hyung,” Sehun said gently, putting down his sandwich and turning to face Chanyeol, “I think you have the answer already, but you don’t want to accept it.”

Chanyeol looked away from the younger’s intense stare. “That’s the first time you called my hyung without me needing to beat you.”

Sehun let out a loud laugh as he picked up his sandwich, “Don’t get used to it, Chanyeol-ah.”

*

Baekhyun sat on his bed deep in thought.

Joongi and Chanyeol knew each other?

They went to Japan?

Was he the friend that Joongi always dropped everything for? That they had countless arguments over?

He got up and sat at his desk turning his laptop on and pulling up the web. Baekhyun proceeded to search Park Entertainment. He hummed softly as he clicked on the News tab and scrolled down past the reports on the rumours about a new idol group and dating scandals.

Nothing.

Baekhyun then searched for ‘Park Entertainment + Japan’

There wasn’t much on it. Baekhyun rolled his eyes – of course there wouldn’t be and if they were any in the first place Park Entertainment would’ve taken them done. He was about to shut the laptop when his eyes landed on a blog article ‘What really happened in Japan – Park Entertainment’. Without hesitating he clicked on it and proceeded to read.

___________________________________________________________

What really happened in Japan – Park Entertainment

Blog entry: #1252

1st January 2017, Kim Jongin

Dear readers,

It’s been a while since I last updated and to be quite honest I don’t think I want to…not really. Well not at first. After what happened I wanted to disappear, I didn’t want anything to do with what happened, I didn’t want to remember. But after seeing and witnessing the power these higher ups have I don’t want to stay silent anymore. I want the truth to be revealed and I want to do as much as I can. These higher ups think they can get away with anything and everything, but this is one thing I won’t let them get away with.

Murder is something I won’t let them bury with their dating scandals and debuting idols.

I was a writer for Park Entertainment up till last year, there I met Lee Joongi. He was one of the kindest and trustworthy person I’ve ever met, and we hit it of pretty quickly. He was my manager and the one that decided what dating scandals and boy groups needed more publicity and coverage and I was the one that wrote the articles that would be later released to the public.

Joongi called me in to his office one morning and told me that he was going to be resigning, that he didn’t want to do this anymore – working for Park Entertainment meant he wouldn’t be able to have a social life, a relationship and that’s one thing he hated the most from what I learnt – He hated being alone.

That’s why his friend Park Chanyeol would be always around his office. We all assumed he was an intern but seeing as he literally did no work and wasn’t being fired, we concluded that Joongi was pulling a few strings. Joongi and Park had this special bond, more than best friends they seemed like brothers and from the rumours that went around the office it turned out they were like brothers. With them practically being raised together.

A few days before Joongi called me in, Park had come to visit his office it seemed like any normal visit, but it was more than that. Park looked sick and not sick as a cold but terminally. His entire face was pale, and his lips were chapped. His eyes looked drained and he clutched his stomach as he walked past our cubicles. His face was scrunched in pain every time he took a step, but he ignored it and proceeded to Joongi’s office. It wasn’t long before an ambulance was called and Joongi was seen carrying an unconscious Park out his office towards the oncoming paramedics.

After that Park never came to the office and once Joongi had officially resigned he didn’t come to the company. I missed him, of course I did he was the best manager one could ask for, but I was so busy with deadlines and upcoming schedules that I didn’t have time to think about how odd everything was around the company.

Our CEO had begun to visit the company more, he looked stressed and worried, he had called a meeting with all the managers from the other departments and since Joongi had left we didn’t have an actual manager, so I was asked to go in his stead. Once I entered I was told that anything discussed in the meeting wasn’t to be repeated outside the walls. The CEO had organised a trip to Japan, he was planning on taking the hottest idols with him and they were going to be visiting a hospital. We were told it was for publicity and to make connections. That if in the future the idols wanted to release a Japanese album they would already have the public support – it was a good plan.

I had to be the one doing the coverage so of course I planned on going. So, I packed, and in a week’s time myself and some idol members and leaders were on a plane to Japan. And they did good. The sick children and adults were happy to see them. They looked forward to playing with the idols, and I was the one taking the pictures.

It was the second day and the last day of our visit, and I was walking through the Accident and Emergency department when all of a sudden alarm started to go off. There had been an accident, and the driver was in critical condition. I was told to move to the side as the doctors and nurses ran forward to the entrance waiting for the ambulance to come with the victim.

A heavily bleeding man was brought in, his forehead had a large cut, his face full of blood and dirt making him unrecognisable and from what I could tell he wasn’t breathing. The doctors started to do CPR as they rolled him away. I wouldn’t know until much later that that was Lee Joongi – my ex-manager.

What was he doing in Japan? Was the first question that came to mind when I did find out. What made all this more confusing was when I was walking down the private ward – the one where the rich stayed at – I saw the CEO’s personal assistant Leeteuk leaving a ward room labelled Park Chanyeol. And when I read the reason as to why he was staying here joined the dots for me – Heart Transplant, the date scheduled was that exact day. I guessed both Joongi and Park had come here for a break but how come Joongi was laying in the A&E fighting for his life when Park was in an elite ward room. And how could Park afford this? Why was Leeteuk here? And then it dawned on me, it wasn’t Joongi pulling the strings? It wasn’t Joongi who got Park the job, but everything was the other way around.

Joongi wasn’t the one that held the power, but it was Park Chanyeol – the heir to Park Entertainment.

___________________________________________________________

Baekhyun eyes were glistening with tears and shock as he scrolled down but the article finished there. There wasn’t any new entry’s after this.

Nothing.

Baekhyun looked at the contact me link right at the bottom and didn’t hesitate to write a message to Kim Jongin asking him they could meet.

Baekhyun’s eyes held a glint of anger and determination, he was going to find out the truth no matter what.

*

Baekhyun stood outside the house, he glanced down at the door number that he had jotted down on a slip of paper, ‘20’.

This was the house alright, he raised his hand, a slight tremble in them, to press the doorbell. He waited patiently, as his heart drummed in his chest and butterflies tumbled in his stomach.

“Who is it?” A gruff voice asked, from the other side of the door.

Baekhyun cleared his throat, “It’s Baekhyun, I contacted you regarding your post?”

A slight pause and then Baekhyun heard the door click open, behind it a tall slim figure stood. His hair was a messy brown dishevelled on his slightly tanned skin. He wore thick glasses that rested on a flat straight nose.

“Come in, quick,” He whispered. Baekhyun hesitated for a second before he made his way around the door and into the house. He took his shoes off and wore the slippers that were neatly put on the side. “Thank you for meeting me,” Baekhyun said, trying to get rid of the tension in the air.

He heard the click of the door closing before the man who he assumed was Jongin brushed past him, “Would you like to have anything to drink? Tea? Water?”

“Water, please,” Baekhyun answered, his throat suddenly parched.

Jongin disappeared around the corner as Baekhyun stood awkwardly in what seemed to be the living room, the curtains were drawn even though it was the middle of the day. He rubbed his palms together unsure if he should sit down, he didn’t have to think long since Jongin returned with a glass of water in hand, placed it on the coffee table and gestured for Baekhyun to take a seat.

“So, what would you like to know?” Jongin said, cutting to the chase. Baekhyun gulped down the glass of water, already feeling better.

“How long did you work at the company for?” Baekhyun asked, it would be best if he started off with something light.

“Park Entertainment? Three to four years give or take. It wasn’t too bad at first. I actually quite enjoyed it. You see, I always wanted to be a dancer but got injured playing football at college, so my dreams were ruined. But I still wanted some connection with people who were able to be professional dancers. Writing about them was a way for me to live my dream through their achievements - it was almost like a fake high,” Jongin explained, a soft chuckle lacing his last few words.

“But I know you’re not curious about me,” He continued, causing Baekhyun to blush. “But I want to know who you are, how are you related to Lee Joong Gi?” Jongin asked, leaning forward in his seat across from the brunette, his gaze hard and piercing. Baekhyun gulped as his took a deep breath.

“He was my boyfriend,” Baekhyun whispered, pain lacing his words.

Jongin’s eyes widened as he sat back in his chair, running a hand through his unkempt hair. “Oh, I didn’t know he was in a relationship,” He said, sheepishly.

“Yeah, I didn’t know he worked at Park Entertainment,” Baekhyun murmured. “I guess neither of us really knew him,” he chuckled coldly.

“Park Chanyeol knew him,” Jongin replied, his gaze on the black and white rug beneath the coffee table. “They were childhood best friends…and he was the last person to see Joongi alive.”

 

 

Chanyeol yelled in frustration, swiping at the contents on his coffee table causing cups and dishes to shatter across the floor. He grabbed and pulled at his hair in frustration.

“What did he say, Chanyeol?”

“What he always says.” He murmured, curling up on the sofa.

 

“How did Chanyeol and Joongi meet?” Baekhyun asked.

Jongin sighed, rubbing a hand down his face. “I’m not entirely sure but from the info I’ve gathered from several sources, they were childhood friends. In fact, Joongi was the only friend Chanyeol was known to have. They went to the same college for a short while before Chanyeol had dropped out.”

 “Dropped out? Wasn’t he intelligent to be interning at Park Entertainment?” Baekhyun asked. On top of that studying with Chanyeol Baekhyun knew the latter wasn’t dumb for he got the highest ranking in exams.

 “That’s the thing though, he wasn’t interning,” Jongin said, a cold smile gracing his lips, “Why would he intern at the company he owns?”

 

 “You don’t have to agree, Chanyeol.”

Chanyeol shivered as sobs raked his body. “I’ve got to do it, he knows Teukie hyung, he knows.”

“Knows what, Chanyeol?” Leeteuk asked, voice laced in bewilderment and shock.

Chanyeol looked up from where he was curled, tears brimming the corners of his eyes.

“Everything, he knows everything.”

 

 “So Chanyeol is the secret heir? The one that the Park family was hiding all these years?”

Jongin nodded. “For a good reason to. Chanyeol had an older sister – Park Yoora – if you search her she will come up everywhere, she was known to the public. She suffered from heart failure the same thing that Chanyeol was admitted for in Japan.”

 

“It’s okay Chanyeol,” Leeteuk said, rubbing his back.

 “It’s not okay, Teukie hyung. Nothing’s ever going to be okay, again.”

 

“How do you know Chanyeol?” Jongin suddenly asked. “In your email you specifically said you wanted to talk about him, how do I know you’re not working for CEO Park?” He drilled, jumping from his chair.

Baekhyun pulled out a picture from his back pack, already prepared for the accusation, “It’s Joongi and I on our one-year anniversary. I would do anything to find out the truth behind his death. Chanyeol and I are two individuals attending the same course nothing more nothing less.”

 

 “You did what?!” Leeteuk asked, standing to allow Chanyeol to sit up on the sofa. “What made you agree to it?”

“I had to hyung,” Chanyeol sniffled.

 “But-But you can’t, Chanyeol. We won’t be able to reveal the truth. We-We…We’ll fail.” Leeteuk stuttered, “What did he threaten you with, Chan?”

Chanyeol’s eyes glazed over as he sat there unresponsive to the question.

 “What did he scare you with, this time?”

Chanyeol’s eyes stung with tears as he looked up at Leeteuk like a helpless child, innocent and pure.

 “What did he threaten you with, Chanyeol?” Leeteuk whispered, sitting softly beside him, putting an arm around the younger’s shoulders.

 “Baekhyun.”

 

“Yoora died when Chanyeol was really young, around three or four, she was on the waiting list for a heart transplant, but I guess her body was tired of waiting for a time that was not written for her.”

“And what of Chanyeol, did he know of her death?”

“From what their now-retired chef told me, Yoora was a taboo topic in the household, and Chanyeol was young so his father ordered for all the pictures of his daughter to be removed from the house, and with time Chanyeol would forget he even had a sister.”

“Why? Why would his father not want him to know of Yoora?”

“Guilty conscious.”

“Why would he be guilty?” Baekhyun asked, sitting on the edge of his seat.

 

“He’s going to announce it today, already made a fucking press coference before coming to see me,” Chanyeol said, coldly.

 “Chanyeol we can fix this, just tell him you changed your mind, we’ll find a different way,” Leeteuk said.

 “There is no other way, Teukie hyung. It’s the only way I can protect him, I’m not going to let another innocent soul to die on my behalf.”

 “Why’s he so important to you?”

 “He was Joongi’s boyfriend. I have to protect him.”

 “Surely, it’s more than that, Chanyeol. If it was just that, your father would not be able to use his wellbeing against you.”

Chanyeol closed his eyes, forcing his feelings to subside.

 “Chanyeol…do you love Baek-”

 “No!” Chanyeol said, snapping his eyes open.

 

 

“Jongin-ssi, what would make him so guilty, that he forced his son to forget he had a sister?”

Jongin smiled, looking into Baekhyun’s eyes, “The truth about Chanyeol’s birth, the very reason he was born.”

“And what’s that?” Baekhyun pressed, scared to know the answer.

“To keep Yoora alive.”

 

 

“It’s okay Chanyeol,” Leeteuk said. “You deserve to love and be loved.”

 “I don’t love him,” Chanyeol clarified, his heart beating irregularly at the lie.

Before Leeteuk could talk any further there was a knock at the front door before it opening and Shindong poking his head in.

 “Hi, sorry but I’m here to get Chanyeol ready for the press conference.”

Chanyeol go up his legs shaking slightly.

 “Chanyeol, you still can stop this. You can change your mind…Once you’re in you’re going to lose yourself and your purpose.”

 “Hyung, I lost that a long time ago.”

*

Baekhyun had left Jongin after their talk, more than him wanting to leave Jongin had asked him to go, as he himself had to get somewhere. But before Baekhyun had left Jongin had given his number in case the brunette wanted to meet up in the future.

“Baekhyun are you watching the news?” Kyungsoo’s spoke desperately into his ear.

Baekhyun groaned as he rolled over on his bed, still not over the talk with Jongin, “No Soo, I’m in bed.”

“Turn it on, it’s important!” The doe-eyed boy ordered.

Baekhyun whined low in his throat as he mumbled an okay before padding softly to the living room and switching on the T.V. He plopped down on the sofa before tuning the television to the local news channel.

‘…CEO Park of Park Entertainment will announce his successor in a press conference. Netizens discuss the possibility of finally putting a face to the rumoured heir…’

Baekhyun’s throat dried as his eyes widened, in shock. Blood rushed through his ears as his heart banged against his chest like a rock-star beating the drums. His hearing faded as his mind went to overdrive.

It was happening.

Just like Jongin had predicted.

He could hear the faint calling of his name from his best friend through the phone that had fallen on the seat beside him.

“Baek?!” Kyungsoo yelled through the phone.

The news anchor raised a finger to her earpiece, listening intently before looking back at the camera, ‘We will be covering the live press, via our representative Mr. Kim. Mr. Kim over to you.’

The screen went blank before returning to a room full of rectangular tables on top of which lay laptops and notepads. Flashes of cameras were going off as the journalists prepared for the breaking news to be revealed.

“Thank you, Mrs. Kang. Good evening, everyone…”

*

Chanyeol sat in his room at the venue, with Leeteuk standing beside him. “You okay?” The older asked.

Chanyeol swallowed and let out a shaky breath, “Yes, fine.” He looked at himself in the mirror and smiled, well tried to smile, but what came out was more of a grimace.

 “You know you just have to give me the word and I’ll take you away from here? You can still change your mind,” Leeteuk whispered.

Chanyeol hummed, aware that he couldn’t take his hyung up on that offer.

There was a soft knock at the door before the event organiser popped his head in signalling to them the conference was about to begin. Chanyeol nodded before sliding his chair back and standing up. He looked at himself in the mirror and pulled down his three-piece suit, giving his reflection an encouraging nod, he walked past Leeteuk and out the room.

[“What do you want to do first, Chanyeol?” Joongi asked as they walked out the hotel that they were staying at in Japan.

 “I want…” Chanyeol trailed off, looking at his best friend. “I want you to tell me what’s wrong?”

 “Huh?” Joongi asked, surprised. His features relaxed as he gave a reassuring smile to his best friend. “Nothing, Chanyeol.”

The elfish boy rolled his eyes as he put an arm around the other’s neck pulling him to his side. “Joongi-ah how long have I known you, huh? You can’t lie to me, tell your brother what’s wrong.”

Joongi held onto the hand on his shoulder as he chuckled, “Just some unfinished business back home,” he explained. Chanyeol hummed nodding.

 “What business?” The younger of the two pried. Joongi didn’t reply straight away not knowing what to say exactly.

 “Just some unsaid words, unspoken answers…unspoken truth.”

Before Chanyeol could pry any further Joongi’s eyes lit up as he saw a renting car store, “Here Chanyeol, let’s rent a Mercedes!”

Chanyeol rolled his eyes at the over enthusiastic-ness of his friend when it came to cars.]

Chanyeol can see himself running after his slightly taller best friend, laughing at the big smile on the latter’s face. Behind closed lids he can still see the way Joongi’s eyes scrunched up as his face broke into a big smile staring at the cars on display. The image still brought a smile to his lips. But then the reality hits him. If only he had offered they do something else. If only he had pried further into what Joongi had confessed moments before. If only they sat at the bench just in front of the Car hire store. If only he hadn’t accepted the keys from the manager. If only he didn’t sit behind the wheel. If only he didn’t drive out the store.

If only…

*

Baekhyun watched as CEO Park walked towards the pedestal, his assistant by his side.

 “Thank you for coming today and I apologise profoundly at the short notice,” Mr Park began addressing the reporters in the room. “I have an important announcement to make and believe that making the public wait longer is not an option any longer. As you all have heard, I’m sure, today I will be announcing my successor, the person that will take my place as CEO of Park Entertainment. They have been rumours about a secret Park heir for many years now, and I have never verified or denied any such rumours, but today I will put all of them to rest.”

Baekhyun’s breath came out in short gasps as he listened intently, captivated by each word falling out of the CEO’s mouth.

 “Please give a warm welcome to my son, and my successor: Park Chanyeol…”

Baekhyun numbly watched the boy he had begun to trust walk stoically down the stage before standing next to his father. He had a neutral expression, dressed in an expensive looking suit. His hair combed back revealing his distant and cold eyes, as he looked into the camera pointed directly at me.

“Good Evening, my name’s Park Chanyeol, please welcome me warmly,” he recited before bowing politely. “This may come as a shock to some of you but I’m sure most of the public speculated about my existence. I’m extremely sorry for any inconvenience or disappointment that may come to some of you with this announcement, but I give you my word that I will work hard and live up to the expectations that my father has set. My father is an-” Chanyeol paused taking a deep breath, glancing at his father forcing an affectionate smile on his lips. “My father is a truthful man, that cares about others more than himself and I hope I live up to the expectations he has carved within the walls of Park Entertainment. Thank you.”

Instantly the reporters started shouting questions out simultaneously. Park Chanyeol and CEO Park were directed off stage before Leeteuk, who had entered with Chanyeol, deflected the questions and announced that a private conference will be held where all the questions will be answered.

*

[“Chanyeol! Wake up!”

Chanyeol flinched as a sharp pain travelled across his head. He hissed softly, as he regained consciousness. Where was he?

“Chanyeol!”

Chanyeol blinked opening his eyes and let out a moan of pain. There was broken glass all around him and he could feel blood rushing to his head.

 “J-Joongi?” He whispered before wincing. He could hear his blood rushing to his head making it feel all the more heavier.

 “Chanyeol, you need to get out!”

Chanyeol’s vision swirled as his head throbbed in pain, the colours around him swirled into one almost as if he was drunk.

 “Chanyeol!”

The elfish boy blinked, groaning, he could see debris and glass surrounding him. Blood trickled down his forehead forcing him to close his eyes to prevent it going into them. Chanyeol shook his head trying to focus his gaze. He could see footsteps coming towards where he lay, the sound of boots breaking glass getting closer and closer. The younger of the two opened his mouth to call out but as his eyes adjusted he got more and more confused as the person got closer and his vision focused.

 “Father?” Chanyeol whispered.

Chanyeol glanced to the side of the car where his name was being called, “Shindong hyung?” Shindong nodded reaching for Chanyeol’s seatbelt and pulled it out from where it was stuck. “You need to crawl out.”

Chanyeol nodded wincing as glass cut into his hands and knees, Shindong grabbed him from the arms and helped him out. The blood loss was making his head spin and now that the adrenalin had worn off the pain was hitting him all at once. Chanyeol fell into his father’s drivers arms his leg cut and bleeding. But overall, he didn’t have much injuries, his body was in shock more than anything.

“Joongi?” Chanyeol asked.

Shindong looked away up towards his father, “He’s fine Chanyeol, the ambulance is on its way, you need to rest.”

Chanyeol nodded his head clouded to question anything, he closed his eyes as the exhaustion finally overtook him.

Leeteuk sat on his knees his arms wrapped around his younger brother in a warm embrace, but the boy’s body was anything but. He was muttering something under his breath, that Leeteuk couldn’t hear over the sound of sirens.

 “H-hyung,” Joongi whispered, wrapping a bloody hand around his older brother’s one around him. “H-hyung t-tell him…p-please, p-please t-tell him.”

Leeteuk looked down with tears in his eyes, Joongi’s face was covered in blood and cuts, “T-tell B…hyun, tell h-him p-please,” Joongi forced out, blood bubbling past his lips and down his chin as he coughed, ignoring his body screaming out at him with pain. His eyes were wide open and determined as he reached for his brother’s face. “T-there’s a l-letter i-in the hotel r-room, give,” Joongi cut off groaning in pain. “Give it to. Him, p-promise me.”

Leeteuk nodded, “I’m sorry Joon,” He whimpered, “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay, hyung,” Joongi whispered, letting out a breath, his face relaxing as he tapped his brother’s hand in reassurance. “I knew already…and I’ve already forgiven you.” He had stopped stuttering, his body relaxed, “Hyung?” Joongi called.

“Hmm?” Leeteuk hummed, sniffing and wiping at his eyes, trying to make his voice stable before speaking.

“It’s not as bad as I thought,” Joongi whispered, looking up at the night sky where the stars shone brightly.

“W-What isn’t?” Leeteuk asked looking in the same direction.

“Dying…I thought, I thought it’ll be more painful and scary but, it’s so relaxing, for the first time I feel complete at ease,” Joongi explained, his voice soft and low. “Take care of him – Chanyeol. Take care of him. You and I know the truth about his birth but don’t let him find out it’ll break him,” Joongi chuckled, “And I won’t be here to put him back together."

Leeteuk’s tears fell as he bent hugging his brother to his chest, “Don’t…Oh God, please don’t leave. I’m so sorry. Please, please I’m begging you don’t leave me. Don’t leave me please Joongi. Please,” Leeteuk cried, his heart clenching painfully. “I’m so sorry, so so sorry. Please, God, please…I don’t, I don’t know what to do, Joongi.”

Joongi smiled sadly, “I’m sorry, hyung. I was never good at listening to you.” Joongi looked back at the night sky as his breaths shortened. His body shook for a brief moment before going completely still. A tear fell down the side of his head and the last thought he had, the last prayer he uttered was “Baek I’m sorry, I broke our promise.”

“No!” Leeteuk screamed his throat roar. “No, no, no! Please, no,” the older brother cried as he hunched over Joongi’s body. “I’m so sorry, hyung is so sorry Joongi-ah. Please God, please bring him back!”

But his cries fell on deaf ears, as that night two best friends forever parted. Chanyeol in the arms of his father’s driver and Joongi in the arms of his brother.

The truth had been kept and a life was taken.]

*

It was a cold day, raining heavily as the clouds cried down on Baekhyun. The brunette was running through the rain towards his College having missed the local bus. His feet splashed in the puddles as he hurried across the sidewalk his side bag levitated over his head at an attempt to block the rain as a further defence to his hoodie. Kyungsoo was waiting for him beneath the shelter inside the main gates and Baekhyun didn’t hesitate hurrying in and stopping next to his best friend.

The doe-eyed boy studied his friends face which had traces of lack of sleep reflected by dark circles. The brunette pulled down his hoodie running his hand through his dishevelled hair.

“You okay?” Kyungsoo asked, his words laced with worry. Baekhyun nodded avoiding eye contact with the slightly shorter boy. “If you’re not, you know you can say, I won’t judge you,” Kyungsoo soothed.

Baekhyun eyes stung as he held back tears, he opened his mouth to speak, but before he could get a word out a car pulled up and the screams of girls around him jolted him to look away towards the College’s main gates. His eyes travelled up a pair of long legs hugged by a pair of tailored trousers, up a collared shirt and onto the handsome face he had become accustomed to. The younger boy hadn’t realised Baekhyun’s presence too busy being surrounded by fan girls and fan boys alike – all amazed to be attending the same College as the heir to Park Entertainment.

Kyungsoo clutched his best friends’ hand in comfort as he saw him freeze up. He squeezed slightly assuring him that he was with him every step of the way. The presence of his other friends approaching made Kyungsoo look behind him to see that they, Jongdae, Minseok and Luhan, were all wearing the same expression of concern as they looked at the brunette who hadn’t moved a muscle.

Chanyeol was annoyed as the girls and boys surrounded him, they hadn’t bothered with him since he started attending but now all of a sudden, he was their idol. The taller looked around at the faces trying to pin point the one that he wanted to see but failed. He tried to take a step in the direction of the doors leading into the college but stumbled at the crowd surrounding him. Shindong, sensing his futures CEO discomfort, stepped in and nudged the crowd away making a path for the young man to walk through. Chanyeol sighed in relief nodding as thanks to his driver before hurriedly making his way up the steps towards the door.

He was about to walk in when his eyes landed on Kyungsoo who looked at him with utter disappointment, he could feel the heated gazes of Luhan, Minseok and Jongdae but he couldn’t meet their eyes knowing that they knew of his lies. Chanyeol’s eyes fell, involuntarily, on the brunette that stood still next to the doe-eyed boy. Baekhyun’s eyes were a swirl of emotions that were too complicated to decipher. He couldn’t look away as the taller stared at him emotionlessly, and now all the words that the elf boy had uttered to him felt pointless. From the reassurance of moving on…

[It's okay, you know?" Chanyeol had said

"What's okay?" He asked

"To be happy, just because you're happy doesn't mean you've forgotten." Chanyeol spoke.

Baekhyun looked sideways at Chanyeol, his eyes wide, "Forgotten what?' He questioned. Chanyeol had stood up then "The memories," the elf boy had answered.]

…to baring his wounded heart open…

[ “I couldn’t you know?” Baekhyun had said. “Every small thing reminded me of him. Anywhere I looked he was there. It was driving me insane. That’s why I locked this room. For me it was as if I could lock this period out of my life and somehow pretend it never happened. But that didn’t really work out.”

 “Why lock out the memory that gave you something to remember?” Chanyeol whispered his breath warming Baekhyun’s forehead.

“Even if the memory ends in death and pain?” The brunette asked.

“To live in the hearts of those left behind is not to die,” Chanyeol had spoken extremely softly, giving unknown strength to the shorter.]

Baekhyun’s eyes stung awfully but he refused to cry, he had done that enough. But as he stared at Chanyeol, the future CEO of Park Entertainment, the boy who was best friends with Joongi and possible the man behind his death, Baekhyun couldn’t have felt more betrayed. He had ripped of the band aid and bared his healing wound to the black-head only to have him pour salt on it and further deepen the hurt that surrounded the brunette’s very being.

Baekhyun took a deep breath, hardening his stare, took a step towards Chanyeol. Chanyeol’s eyes widened slightly but went a miss from everyone. His heart banged against his chest, but before another word could be uttered Sehun, who appeared suddenly from behind him, walked past Chanyeol, completely ignoring his existence, grabbed Baekhyun by the wrist and pulled him in the direction of the doors, pushing it open and disappearing behind them.

Baekhyun stumbled behind the younger, trying to keep up with his long strides.

“Se-Sehun?” Baekhyun called, clutching at the grip on his hand. “What are you doing?”

Sehun ignored him, still pulling him down the corridor, he turned a corner then another and another before pushing the brunette into an empty room and shutting the door behind them. Baekhyun stood in the middle of a lecture room stage, unsure of what to do as he watched Sehun run a hand through his hair, pacing back and forth.

“Sehun?” Baekhyun asked, trying to gain the younger boy’s attention.

Sehun stopped pacing and stared at Baekhyun as if he just realised the shorter one was there.

“Hyung?” Sehun called, sighing heavily. The younger walked towards the brunette, startling him. He reached Baekhyun and wrapped his arms around the shorter and pulled him against his chest. “Hyung,” Sehun repeated as he rested his chin on Baekhyun’s head, sighing softly. Baekhyun’s eyes were wide as he hesitantly raised his arms and wrapped them gently around Sehun’s waist as he relaxed into the hug.

“It’s not fair,” Sehun mumbled against his hair.

“Hmm?” Baekhyun hummed, against the younger’s chest.

“It’s not fair that you have to go through more pain, haven’t you suffered enough?” Sehun whispered, his voice shaking.

Baekhyun chuckled softly, his own voice cracking as he laughed. His eyes were full of tears as being comforted by the younger finally caused him to unravel.

“Cry, hyung, cry. I’m here to shield you. No one will see you, just let it out. You don’t have to be strong alone anymore, I promise I’ll be here this time,” Sehun whispered, squeezing the smaller boy against himself.

And Baekhyun did.

He sobbed as if his soul was on fire; cried as if his blood was boiling. He clutched onto Sehun’s jumper fisting his fingers around it. His broken screams muffled against the broad chest and Sehun stayed there. He stood with his arms wrapped around the shorter acting as barriers from the outside world and the soft whispers of reassurance. “It’s okay, hyung, I’m here.”

He remained on strong feet as Baekhyun collapsed against him, losing strength in his legs at the intensity of his sobs. Sehun held onto his hyung as he broke apart against him.

“This time I won’t let you do this alone,” He promised.

Chanyeol watched from the lighting room. He saw his best friend Sehun hugging the boy he had begun to love. He watched as the brunette shook against the taller male and Chanyeol knew he was the cause of the tears.

He stood with a hand in his trouser pocket, which turned into a fist as he stood watching…helplessly. “I’m sorry,” Chanyeol whispered. His heart was going haywire as he willed him to remain in his spot even though his whole body wanted nothing more than running down the stairs onto the stage and grabbing the brunette. He wanted to fall on to his knees and apologise over and over against as much as needed and more for the brunette to forgive him.

“Sir?” Shindong called. Chanyeol shook out of his world and turned to look at his driver.

“Yes?”

“We need to collect your transfer papers and leave, you have a meeting with the shareholders at eleven AM,” Shindong informed, bowing slightly.

Chanyeol nodded, “You go on, I’m coming.” Chanyeol looked back at the stage, trying to control himself not to do anything stupid that might jeopardise Baekhyun’s safety. With a soft sigh and admittance of defeat, Chanyeol turned on his heal and walked out the lights room, in the direction of the office.

“He’s leaving…transferring,” Luhan muttered, plopping down on their usual bench.

“I still can’t believe it,” Jongdae exasperated. “Heir to the Park Entertainment?! He must’ve have been laughing at us all this time,” The whiny boy said clutching his head between his hands.

“Come on, Jongdae,” Minseok began. “You and I both know he wasn’t - isn’t - like that. He’s kind and playful and I think he actually enjoyed spending time with us.”

“That’s it though, isn’t it?” Jongdae exclaimed. “He was just wasting time with us ‘commoners’ until he went back to his mansion of a house and what not.”

“Stop it, Jongdae!” Kyungsoo cut in. “You don’t know how his life is like, and you have no right to assume things about him either. No matter what he thought of us he treated us equally, let’s not forget that.”

“I still can’t believe it though, Park Entertainment?! Do you think he knew Joongi?” Luhan asked, curiously, hesitating at the sore subject.

“I don’t care, and you shouldn’t either,” Sehun said, appearing besides Luhan, dropping a swift kiss on the crown of his head as a hello, to which the latter blushed profoundly.

“Sehun, he was your best friend,” Kyungsoo uttered, exasperated at how quickly his friends were turning their backs on Chanyeol.

“We weren’t best friends,” The younger began coldly. “We were barely friends, he was a stranger from the beginning and we were too quick at trusting him now look what he’s done. He’s betrayed Baekhyun hyung and now hyung will have to go through all the pain again.”

Kyungsoo sighed, understanding the hurt all his friends were feeling. “Where’s Baekhyun anyway?”

“He’s in the nurses’ office getting some rest, the doctor prescribed him some sleeping pills so he’s sleeping.”

Sehun rested his head on the bench table, signalling that he doesn’t want to talk anymore. This was harder than what he anticipated, but Sehun was going to trust his Chanyeol hyung.

“I hope you know what you’re doing, hyung,” Sehun thought to himself.

*

[Joongi hurried down the corridor, briefly glancing at his watch every few seconds, he was late to the company’s meeting all thanks to Chanyeol who refused to be left alone because in the latter’s words he will be ‘bored’. The former chuckled at his best friend’s childishness, he didn’t mind it, truthfully. Chanyeol was deprived of a childhood and Joongi was more than happy to put up with his child-like antics in order to keep a smile on his friend’s face. Nevertheless, he was running over an hour late and at this rate he wouldn’t be surprised if the meeting had already ended.

Pressing the up button of the elevator the tall man tapped his foot impatiently as he saw the floor numbers light up as it made its way down to his floor. Knowing it was useless to wait, Joongi turned to the door leading to the stairs and rushed up them. It was only 5 floors, and Joongi was fit enough to run up them or so he thought. All those late-night takeaways and drinking with Chanyeol had finally took a toll on his stamina and by the third floor the young man was ready to give up.

As he sat on the stairs running a hand through his hair, he chuckled to himself, he had truly let himself go. He took out the pills prescribed to him by his doctors and swallowed two. He was about to make his way up again when hushed voices stopped him.

“Leeteuk, it’s the only way.” An urgent hushed voice was saying.

Joongi smiled at his brother’s name and he was going to call out when the next words stopped him cold on his feet.

“To save Chanyeol it’s the only way, you and I both know that.”

“B-But,” Leeteuk stuttered. “There must be a different way to save him without the need to-to do that.”

“Is he still on the medication?”

“Y-Yes, yes he is.”

Joongi glanced down at the pill box in his hands, his fingers tightening around them as the words being uttered travelled around his head.

“Chanyeol is more important, without him this company has no future, you have no future. Leeteuk, you have worked so hard to be where you are today, do not throw that away for a useless person like your step-brother. Remember how his mother ripped your family apart. This was you can get payback.”

Joongi’s heart clenched painfully as it dawned on him what was being planned.

“But CEO P-Park…you’re talking about murder.”

“No, it’s not murder when we’re saving a life. Leeteuk, you won’t have to do anything, just make sure your brother continues to stay on medication and remains healthy, leave the rest to us. Now, I need to go, I have a lunch meeting with Chanyeol. I trust you, to make the right decision and who knows after all this you might get a promotion.”

Joongi doesn’t know how long he had stayed on those stairs, probably long after the fading footsteps and the bang of the door shutting had faded. He looked at the pill box before throwing it to the other side with all his anger where the plastic bottle cracked, and the white pills spilled on the stairs.

He knew Leeteuk despised him, but-but they were getting closer, weren’t they? Leeteuk had begun to accept him into his family, hadn’t he? He remembers how, as he was growing up, Leeteuk always preferred Chanyeol over him but his brother still tried his best to include Joongi in games that they played, but was that all too a façade? Was all their relationship fake? Was he the only one that had genuine love towards his older brother? Did Leeteuk hate him so much, that he was ready to be part of the plan that to…kill him?

Joongi pressed the palm of his hands into his eyes, wiping the tears away before they had a chance to fall.

His phone ringing broke him out of his thoughts, without looking he answered.

“Hello?”

“Joongi, where are you?”

“Leeteuk hyung?” Joongi asked voice void of emotions. “Something must be wrong if you’re taking the initiative to call me,” He chuckled, his eyes stinging.

“Joongi, it’s Chan-Chanyeol,” his brother let out.

“What? What is it? What’s wrong?”

“He relapsed, it’s worse this time,” Leeteuk explained in a pained voice, Joongi could tell his brother had been crying, which means it must be really bad.

“I’m on my way,” Joongi muttered, before hanging up and sending out a quick message to Baekhyun that he’ll be home later than usual.

Joongi arrived at the hospital and made his way to the VIP room where he found Chanyeol hooked up to machines.

“What happened?” was the first thing he asked when he went to his best friends side.

“He didn’t come for his appointment last week and he hasn’t been taking his medication, his heart stopped beating for a minute,” Shindong explained from across the room.

“What about...What about Heart transplant?” Joongi asked, swallowing hard trying to lubricate his parched throat.

“It’s another 16 years before he gets a donor,” Shindong answered.

Joongi sighed as he brushed hair out his best friend’s face. Chanyeol was extremely pale, he looked like death already and Joongi could guess with certainty he wouldn’t survive the next few years let alone 16.

“You’ve been crying.”

“Huh?” Joongi asked, looking up as Leeteuk approached him. “Your eye’s, they’re swollen, you’ve been crying.”

Joongi avoided his brother’s gaze as he looked back down at Chanyeol’s face, “Yes...well, that happens when your best friend is lying on his death bed and you can’t do anything to help.”

“Joongi?” Leeteuk asked.

Joongi hummed, not wanting to see his brother’s face.

“Did you eat?”

Joongi hummed again.

“Did you take-”

“My meds?” Joongi cut in. “Yes, yes I did…hyung. You don’t need to worry I’m sure you’re busy with the company and taking care of Chanyeol, I’m not that important compared to them.”

“Wh-What?” Leeteuk asked, heart beating fast.

Joongi looked back down at Chanyeol’s sleeping face which was contorted in pain.

His phone pinged startling him as he hurried to dig it out.

[Byunnie <3, 10:58PM]

        Come home, soon. I miss you. xx

Joongi smiled before putting it away and holding onto Chanyeol’s clammy hand.

‘I’ll save you, I promise.”]

*

Chanyeol sat behind his desk in his office at Park Entertainment, letting out a deep sigh. It had been a long day of meetings and introductions and the young man was knackered. He had requested for Joongi’s desk to be placed in his office as well as his best friend’s chair. Chanyeol ran his palm across the oak wood.

“Did you enjoy working here, Joongi?” He asked to the thin air. “Or did you feel like this, tired and alone in a cold room?”

Chanyeol ran his hand across the arm rest of the chair, resting his head back on the chair. “Did you sit like this when you were stressed? Or when everything was getting too much for you did you rest your head, like this?” Chanyeol leant back on his chair, eyes closed trying to imagine his lost best friend in the same position. He looked towards his door, could almost imagine Joongi walking in, rolling his eyes to find his elfish eared friend claiming his office seat, but then he would break out in a big smile, glad that his friend liked spending time with him. Or he could imagine himself barging into the room, never failing to startle Joongi who would always jump and drop his pen if he was signing forms.

Chanyeol chuckled at the precious memories. He looked down at the table draw, opening it hesitantly, inside lay a memory stick. A memory stick with all the information needed to reveal the truth. But if only it was as simple as that. Inside contained the truth. The truth that Chanyeol himself wasn’t too certain of wanting to know.

The files were compiled together with the help of Leeteuk and inside colleagues. It had taken them well over a year to compile everything and although they had a strong case it wasn’t enough to overthrow CEO Park from what Leeteuk claimed. Leeteuk had told Chanyeol the best source of evidence would be a direct confession from CEO Park himself, but even he knew that would be impossible. His father trusted him as far as he could throw him, and with his receding hairline and growing age that wasn’t far.

A soft knock at the door, broke Chanyeol out his thoughts as he looked over to see Leeteuk entering. He had an envelope in his hand and Chanyeol could tell it contained something important when the latter shut the door quickly and quietly.

“This is it,” Leeteuk whispered out. “Keep this safe, it’s too dangerous with me, your father has someone following me,” He said placing the envelope on the table in front of Chanyeol.

“What is it?” The elfish boy asked, picking up the envelope.

“No!” Leeteuk raised his voice. “Don’t open it…not yet.”

Chanyeol’s eyes had widened at the latter’s outburst, curious as to why he wasn’t permitted. “What does it contain?”

Leeteuk sighed before dropping on to the chair opposite Chanyeol’s on the other side of the office table. “The truth, evidence we’ve been compiling, CCTV recordings, witness reports among other things.”

“Then why can’t I open it, it’s not like I haven’t seen all that before,” Chanyeol stated, inspecting the envelope, before locking eyes with Leeteuk. “Or are you hiding something from me, hyung?”

Leeteuk straightened, hesitancy evident in his posture.

“Take care of him – Chanyeol. Take care of him. You and I know the truth about his birth but don’t let him find out, it’ll break him,” Joongi had chuckled, as he lay wrapped in Leeteuk’s arms. He had made a promise to his brother over a year ago and had held strong up till now, but now the older wondered to himself if it was okay to break the news.

“And I won’t be here to put him back together."

“Chanyeol,” Leeteuk began, taking a deep breath. “Your father-”

“What about me?” A new voice spoke, startled Leeteuk stood up fast at the same time Chanyeol shoved the envelope in the open draw next to him pushing it shut with his thigh as he also stood.

“Father,” Chanyeol greeted, his voice grim.

“Chanyeol,” CEO Park acknowledged with a nod, “One of our writers, Kim Jongin, is returning to us, he was a great asset to the publicity team,” Chanyeol’s father continued walking over to the bookshelf and scanning the spines. “However, I am making him your personal sectary for the time being up until the head of publicity goes on her maternity leave. Then he will take over.”

“Kim Jongin?” Chanyeol repeated, his eyes scrunched as he tried to place a face to the name - Why does that name sound so familiar?

“Yes,” CEO Park continued, facing Chanyeol once again. “He will be starting tomorrow nevertheless he will be coming today to move into your office and get organised. Get to know him, because he will be organising your schedule,” His father ordered, before his gaze shifted to Leeteuk. “Join me, Leeteuk,” He signalled with his head, emotionlessly, before walking out the door without a look over his shoulder.

Leeteuk forced a smile on his face and gave Chanyeol a look saying ‘We’ll talk later’ before he rushed out after CEO Park.

Chanyeol sighed for the nth time before sitting back down his hands clutched together, his brow raised in thought.

Kim Jongin?

All of a sudden, his eyes widened as he grabbed his phone, clicking on the pictures and scrolling to the time period for over two years. His fingers levitated on the picture before he blinked slowly and clicked it – enlarging the image.

It was a picture at one of Joongi’s friends beach birthday party, the company had business there so both best friends were able to attend. Joongi had dragged one of his workers along with him and had introduced him as:

“Chan, this is Kai, it’s a stage name don’t ask,” Joongi had chuckled, obviously drunk, dropping his arm around Kai’s shoulder. The one being introduced had rolled his eyes at his boss’s antics before sticking out a hand. “Hi, my name’s Jongin, Kim Jongin, and you must be the infamous best friend Park Chanyeol.”

Chanyeol had let out a laugh when Joongi intercepted Jongin’s hand and spun him around, “See, a great dancer!” He had screamed. “You, my friend, should replace me as Lead Editor,” He had yelled, whilst stumbling to which Chanyeol had then wrapped an arm around his waist to keep him steady.

Chanyeol bolted upright, Lead Editor? That would only mean that Kim Jongin had come –

There was a knock at the door before the very person walked in with a smile on his face.

“Good Afternoon, CEO Park.”

– had come to Japan.

*

Kim Jongin wasn’t a stranger when it came to Park Chanyeol. He had learnt everything there was to know about him, his hatred had built the longer he dedicated his life in exposing the Park family but now that the said man stood in front of him, the hatred had flown out the window.

Park Chanyeol looked like crap, that is the only way Jongin could put it.

He looked utterly like crap.

He had looked worse than the day he had seen him being carried out the office by Joongi…Joongi.

This was about Joongi, Jongin reminded himself. Clearing his throat, he took a deep breath and stepped into the office before closing the door behind him.

The room hadn’t changed at all. It was exactly as he remembered, the only difference was Joongi wasn’t the man occupying the leather seat behind the table.

“Kim Jongin, it’s great to see you again,” Chanyeol spoke his voice emotionless. “I’m extremely glad that it is you, who is to become my secretary.” The CEO held out his hand with a smile that was clearly forced on his face.

“Nonsense,” Jongin ushered, “The pleasure is all mine.” Jongin shook the outstretched hand, trying hard not to show the hatred evident on his face.

Chanyeol’s heart hammered against his chest as he retracted his hand and gestured to the chairs across from him, “Have a seat.” Jongin nodded, before sitting down in the plush leather chair.

“I hope we can work well together,” Chanyeol continued. “You have worked with Joongi and I hope you show the same loyalty to me.” The taller man looked at Jongin, his eyes blank and sincere.

Jongin’s fists clenched where they lay on his lap, he let out a breath and forced a friendly smile on his face. “Of course, I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Chanyeol nodded, then proceeded to show Jongin his desk outside his office, where the latter would be working.

*

Baekhyun sat against Joongi’s door, his back pressed against the wooden door. His phone lay beside him on the cold isolated floor. The brunette wore a tank top with shorts, it was refreshing for him. It had been so long since the skin on his arms and legs had felt the air against them. Baekhyun thudded his head against the door repeatedly, lost in thought.

He had skyped Jongin, and both had come up with a plan, now all he wished is that everything went accordingly. That he could finally find out the truth and give Joongi the peace he needed.

The beeping of his phone jolted Baekhyun out of thought as he looked down at his phone, it was a message from Jongin.

From: Kim Jongin, 11.42AM

Good to go

Baekhyun smiled, glad that the first part of the plan was set in motion. His gaze hesitantly fell onto his wrists and arms causing the smile to slowly fall off. All of a sudden, the brunette was freezing, goose bumps erupted as he leapt off the floor and hurried to change into a full sleeved t-shirt and jeans.

The truth runs wild

Like the rain to the sea

Trying to set straight

the lines I traced

to set me free

(Heaven, Troye Sivan)

*

Once Jongin had left the room, Chanyeol opened the draw and took out the envelope given to him by Leeteuk, but before he could read anything he was forced to put it back into the drawer as his father entered the room. Chanyeol gulped as he stood straight with his hands folded in front of him.

“Father,” Chanyeol greeted.

 “Just thought I should personally inform you that Leeteuk is being reassigned from being my PA, I’ve decided to send him to our base in America where he can help recruit talented youngsters,” The older Park informed. “It’s a shame really, but I thought I should personally tell you.”

Chanyeol’s eyes had snapped up, his throat dries at the news. Leeteuk was leaving? His Teukie hyung?

 “W-What? When?”

“He should be at the airport by now,” Mr. Park says looking down at his watch, “It was an immediate decision he had to leave straight away.”

Chanyeol stumbled forward reaching for his phone, ready to dial his Teukie hyung’s number.

“It’s pointless calling him, his phone is with me,” Mr Park interrupted. Chanyeol’s gaze fell onto the phone his father held out in front of him. “He’ll get a new phone in America, it’ll do him good to start a fresh and anyway both of you don’t need any distractions with your new careers.” Mr. Park smirked at his son.

Chanyeol’s eyes stung with unshed tears, his eyes glassy…his gaze unfocused.

“That’s all, Good luck, Son. I’ll make sure to check on you soon,” Mr Park stated moving towards the door. “And before I forget, that young boy you had become so infatuated with his name is Byun Baekhyun, correct?”

Chanyeol’s head snapped up his eyes hardening at the mention of the brunette’s name, “Yes” He answered, his voice controlled.

Mr Park nodded, smiling at his son as his eyes flashed dangerously, he let out a small chuckle before leaving the office.

Chanyeol stood in the quiet, his blood rushing through his ears. His legs wobbled as he fell against his chair.

Leeteuk was gone.

The only person that had cared for him was gone.

His Teukie hyung, the one that understood him, that never blamed him, that took care of him, that always put him before himself, that was like family to him…the only real family he could count on was gone.

Chanyeol’s tears overflowed as they slowly slid down his cheeks. And one thought that made him cry harder, caused his heart to jerk inside of him out of fear against knowing that if it came down to it his father would go through with anything.

Was he alive? Was his Teukie hyung alive?

Part 3 coming soon...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> quick question: When I read this back I don't think their relationship is moving too fast, that may be entirely due to the fact that I watch chanbaek fancams 24/7 so in my mind they're already practically married, but let me know in the comments below if you think their relationship is moving too fast in any of my stories.
> 
> I won't know unless you tell me, and I know how annoying it can get when the characters just meet and fall in love.
> 
> This will be a great help to me honestly, so please leave even a yes (moving too fast) or No (It's fine), to let me be aware.
> 
> Thank you anyway for reading.
> 
> Lots of love, justanotheraeri xxx


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